LinkedIn speak to English dictionary
Disclaimer
The content below contains deliberately blunt, sarcastic, and unfiltered interpretations of things. It's somewhat exaggerated sometimes and may be pointless. I believe that someone might benefit from seeing most of common LinkedIn language in one place.
Contents
Welcome to an exploratory interview = Come over so we can waste your time with a meeting that's going nowhere.
confidently holding and articulating your own technical viewpoints in discussions where there may be differing opinions = saying something when people disagree with you
A distinctive experience to add to your CV = Something weird I did for a few months that I'm trying to make sound like a real job.
We value constructive debate and collaboration as a way to arrive at the best solutions together, and this is something that becomes increasingly important in more senior roles. = We argue a lot and call it collaboration to find the "best" solution, which basically means the higher up you get, the more time you spend in meetings listening to people talk in circles.
We’re looking for a rockstar to join our team = We want someone to do three jobs at once and not complain about it.
Fast-paced environment = Everything is chaotic and no one really knows what's going on.
Competitive salary = We're not telling you because it’s probably lower than you expect.
Opportunities for growth = You'll start underpaid and maybe get slightly less underpaid later.
Must be a team player = Don’t question anything and go along with whatever we say
We wear many hats = Your job description is meaningless = you'll do whatever we need.
Passionate about what we do = We expect you to care way more than we pay you for.
Work hard, play hard = We overwork you and occasionally provide cheap drinks.
Flat organization = No clear structure, no clear responsibility, lots of confusion.
Dynamic role = The job will keep changing, usually without warning.
We're like a family = Boundaries are blurry and we expect emotional loyalty.
Self-starter = You’ll get little to no guidance. Figure it out yourself.
Exciting challenges ahead = There are big problems no one has solved yet.
Results-driven culture = Only outcomes matter; how you get there is your problem.
Exposure to stakeholders = You'll sit in a lot of meetings with people who make decisions.
Strong company culture = You must say yes to everything we say.