First of all, I would like to thank the people who responded to my
previous reposts by either sending email or following up to the
appropriate newsgroup. Thank you for practicing Netiquette and
keeping alt.best.of.internet free of original posts.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Origination: Don't-Blink Mailing List
Originator: Eva Weitzel <eweitzel@osf1.gmu.edu>
Original Subject: Internet Humor (fwd)
Date: Tue, 01 Aug 1995 16:02:08 -0400
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`>---------- Forwarded message ----------
`>Date: Sat, 29 Jul 1995 09:33:30 -0500
`>From: Byron Holdiman (LIS) <holdiman@luna.cas.usf.edu>
`>Subject: Internet Humor
`>
`>
`>----------------------------Original message----------------------------
`>
`>I received numerous responses to the last Alternate Dr. Internet, and
`>they both wanted to know how a cockroach jumping up and down on my
`>keyboard was able to manage capital letters. The answer, of course, is
`>that the shift lock is not nearly as stiff as in the days of manual
`>typewriters.
`>
`>Just to clear up some confusion: the cockroach was Archy. Mehitabel was
`>busy last week accepting a lifetime achievement award at the Tonies.
`>
`>Thomas Dowling
`>
`>=======================================================
`>1. There have been many news stories about the Internet providing
`> access to pornography. This is a serious problem, and raises an
`> obvious question: how can I see these images?
`>
`> Typically, a picture on the Internet will look like this.
`>
`>begin 644 smut.gif
`>
`>M1TE&.#=AR@!\ /$ /___S P,+]@4#"0KRP R@!\ "_H2/J<OM#Z.<
`>MM-J+L]Z\^P^&XDB6YHFFZLJV[@O'\DS7]HWG^L[W_@\,"H?$HO&(3"J7S*;S
`>M"8U*I]2J]8K-:K?<KO<+#HO'Y++YC$ZKU^RV^PV/R^?TNOV.S^OW_+[_#QA(
`>M(T!82,A@6+B0*(!@B*@(P#@9"4CYF#"IH'F N1EYR?D7ZFD@VLGH6)D)2EK:
`>M]Q@@*YNHFBAK:X@K6;B;NSL;H!L\ZS=,++PZZ<M[&V#:^\Q*"#Q[3&P<C8P-
`>M3=V+*I!,+3W\.6X0?!V</2Z-P*W[W2T>3AYM7H_/;%F[L-X<3EXS>KO*3<MW
`>M<!\_2@WBG1MHT. O=^ 0"NH6*J$N_H $[3V<J(^B(%JD)GZ+%O%>0I$<609"
`>MQA CR7 #.\ID*;&BPI';^K5$.2[E1YTX55Y,T%/>,*#UA%HD&O+H*W0VRS&R
`>MIC+GS:@7?:YL";"=4X5:P4I]Y>R954,#VKI]^Y;06U1OB\*]"_? W 5[R;C2
`>M!C817KQRW0IV:W<P7KUN&?3U6W*=4\5P"[<]W#8QY;Z/$70>,S/6O\F&M1&+
`>MJZBNR&NJD0%0K0!VF6VTWQ6C&J U[=R(@\E&>KJWZ]^,,[L$L_NV;6:R=--V
`>M3OP ,N?%HK_NK68;@W]4J<<6WAR[@G_6KQO_?EY0^>(#?*U/4-[Z>SV;V[)W
`>M+_Y!_/KY] 'QO^_.? #RQ5]Z@?QGP&\")M@?>_7MQ =UV"C8H&,5FM?>-@O>
`>M(>$Z%!KHP'[&37=AA.!I]V&&$8B8(8D@_C%?BA#"=Z%\)>X18WX;LJC0AG;D
`>M:.".-5;H8QU JLA@?32^F"22GMU('Y0I4K:DDT\R620=1^*GY)56#ECEC'QP
`>MUP"9 "1GIIG+':?F'VT"MP^:RN%VW)ESKGF4G6+2"2>:?99YIW2!YDEHH88>
`>MBFBBBB[*:*../@III)).2FFEEEZ*::::;LIIIYY^"FJHHHY*:JFFGHIJJJJN
`><RFJKKKX*:ZRRSDIKK;;>BFNNNN[*:Z\6% .YY^
`>
`>end
`>
`> This is one of those "Magic Eye" 3-D images. In order to
`> appreciate the artist's use of lighting and composition, you should
`> print this out, hold it at arm's length, and try to concentrate on
`> a point about eight inches behind the paper. Relax and let your
`> eyes go out of focus, and you will then see a three dimensional
`> image of smut and filth.
`>
`>2. What is "spam"? What kind of advertising is allowed on the
`> Internet?
`>
`> Spam is Spiced Ham, which is to say it is a form of amateur radio
`> with electronic components designed using the SPICE circuit design
`> modeller. This was very popular during World War II ("Spam, Spam,
`> the Serviceman's Ham" was a frequent motto). During the battle of
`> Iwo Jima, three Marines used Spam to transmit advertisements to
`> U.S. forces; this was immortalized in a photograph of them raising
`> their antenna, along with a flag, on a mountain top, and so we
`> remember them today by calling such widely broadcast advertisements
`> Spam.
`>
`> It is a misconception that advertising is prohibited on the
`> Internet. Permits for Internet advertising are available from a
`> law firm run by a pair of skilled Internet experts. These permits,
`> or green cards, allow any Internet user to send an advertisement to
`> thousands of newsgroups, even if the group has no relevance to the
`> product being advertised. This is a very successful marketing
`> technique, and will generate many e-mail responses.
`>
`>3. What are FAQ lists?
`>
`> On many newsgroups, the same questions come up again and again and
`> again. Inevitably, two or more factions insists that theirs is the
`> one canonical answer; the resulting flame wars elevate these issues
`> to the rank of Furiously Argued Questions. At some point,
`> moderates on the group--not to be confused with moderators--exert
`> some centrist control. As a way to prevent these arguments from
`> flaring up again, the FAQs are compiled in a list. New users
`> should read the list to determine which questions they must never
`> ask, as that will just plunge the entire group back into this
`> circular debate.
`>
`> Needless to say, the most common FAQ in any group is "Where can I
`> find the FAQ list?"
`>
`>4. Is there really an online Coke machine? How do I use it?
`>
`> Yes, there are actually several Coke machines hooked up to the
`> Internet. Unfortunately, you can't really use them unless your
`> Internet connection runs over an ISDN (Integrated Soft Drink
`> Network) line. Even that won't solve all your problems. In order
`> to pay for your drink, you'll have to use one of two competing
`> plans to allow security of monetary transactions over the net.
`> Coca-Cola is endorsing Soda HTTP (HTTP-S) while Pepsi-Cola is
`> backing the Soda Security Layer (SSL).
`>
`> Given the existence of Coke machines on the net, it was predictable
`> that companies like Pizza Hut would start taking pizza delivery
`> orders via the net. Unfortunately, this system isn't completely
`> working yet; orders for double anchovies seem to cause 100% packet
`> loss.
`>
`>5. How do I insure no one else is reading my e-mail?
`>
`> Many antique stores sell old tripod cameras, the kind where the
`> photographer held a pan of flash powder aloft and then ducked under
`> a heavy black hood. I recommend buying one of these and attaching
`> it to your monitor. When you duck under the hood, no one will be
`> able to look over your shoulder; if they do, you can always blind
`> them temporarily with the flash powder.
`>
`> Some people are so concerned about their online privacy that they
`> use e-mail encryption. Unfortunately, most of these people were
`> pretty cryptic to begin with, leaving us with no way to understand
`> their messages.
`>
`>6. I am afraid that I'm becoming a network nerd. How can I tell for
`> sure?
`>
`> How many syllables do you think there are in the word "coax"?
`>
`>
`>Tune in next time for Ask Dr. Internet--
`>
`> "I have a master's degree....in Internet!"
`>
`>=====================================
`>
`>Dr. Internet, Master of All Knowledge
`>Benedictine On the Rocks With a Twist
`>No official connection to Dr. Science
Eva------Keep Smilin :)
+========================================================================+
| "Young & Restless" http://www.digimark.net/wow/yr/ |
| "Bold & Beautiful" http://www.digimark.net/wow/bb/ |
| --------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Eva Weitzel - (eweitzel@osf1.gmu.edu) |
+========================================================================+
First of all, I would like to thank the people who responded to my
previous reposts by either sending email or following up to the
appropriate newsgroup. Thank you for practicing Netiquette and
keeping alt.best.of.internet free of original posts.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Origination: alt.folklore.computers,alt.sysadmin.recovery
Originator: pgut01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Peter Gutmann)
Original Subject: How to deal with lusers
Date: 2 Aug 1995 13:03:25 GMT
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The phone on the desk next to me rings. It's some random luser who somehow
got my number.
Luser: "I need to low-level format my hard drive".
Me : "No you don't. What's the problem?".
Luser: "Windows crashed, and now there are problems with my data. I need to
low-level format my hard drive".
Me : "You never need to low-level format an IDE hard drive, and certainly
not for something like Windows corrupting your data. Have you
tried -".
Luser: "Look, I need to low-level format the drive. Are you going to help me
or not?".
For those of you who don't work with peecee drives, a bit of history is in
order. About 120 years ago, a lot of the electronics which is now present
in the drive was present in the drive controller. The controller did the
MFM or RLL en/decoding rather than the drive. Before a drive could be
partitioned and formatted, it had to be low-level formatted to make the
media palatable to the controller. For WD1003V-type controllers (the most
common kind) this involved writing an address mark, cylinder and head
information, CRC and ECC data, the sector data, and a few other bits and
pieces such as sync bytes and gaps to allow the PLL in the controllers
data seperator to lock onto the address mark.
Needless to say, these are things that You Do Not Mess With.
Then IDE drives came along. Unlike the above drives, which generally used
stepper motors to give same-day service for head positioning, IDE drives
use voice-coil actuators to give infinte adjustability. So that the
actuator knows where it's moving the head, the drive contains embedded
servo information so the head can sense where it is. The usual method for
newer drives is to put the servos at the start of each sector, or
interleaved with the sector data, or beneath the sector data. Since the
servos are part of the data, you never have problems with alignment drift,
which is the only reason you'd need to low-level format a drive.
Although you can low-level format an IDE drive, it needs special software,
since virtually every manufacturer has their own unique way of doing
things, which may vary between drive types and even different production
runs. Some early drives don't even have the electronics in them to allow
low-level formats, but most later ones seem to have the capability.
However, if you get anything at all wrong, you turn the drive
(irreversably) into an expensive paperweight when you destroy the servos.
Now for some bizarre reason, there seems to be a mania among PC users for
low-level formatting drives, probably something to do with recessive
genes. There really is no reason you'd ever need to low-level format an
IDE (or SCSI, or whatever) drive, but people still insist on doing it
(just look at the number of requests for this posted each week in
comp.sys.ibm.pc.hardware.storage): "My car won't start so I need to
low-level format my hard drive to fix it".
Therefore after about 10 minutes of trying to explain to this luser that
he didn't need to low-level format, or for that matter repartition or
high-level format his drive, I told him how to low-level format the drive.
I hope he likes high-tech paperweights.
Peter (will give loaded guns to children if they annoy me enough).
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se