Subject: Re: Living with a Mac(L)user

Date: 4 Feb 1996 21:39:40 -0600

In article <4erjb6$glj@mark.ucdavis.edu>,
Brad Orahood <szbrado@bullwinkle.ucdavis.edu> wrote:
>The Launcher!
>Oh yes, I remember now, it's that new hack they put in System 7.5
>that resembles Microsoft Office.  What a pain!  Considering how
>configurable the apple menu is, this little thing is just
>an extra memory eater. 

I got MS Orifice at the old job -- Bastard Purchaser From Hell
got it for me on disk, saving ten bucks or something, instead of
the CD I had asked for <grrrrrrrr>.

Anyway, I installed it on my PowerMac, including the little MS 
Orifice Manager, which immediately proceeded to fsck with my Now
Menus setup, FOR NO GOOD REASON!

So I killed it.  Like I kill all such bletcherous abominations
the second I recognize them for what they are.  And then I used
MS Word 6.0 about, oh, three times total in a year.  Damn thing
wouldn't behave properly and I could never tell if I was in insert
mode or not, and hitting esc didn't work properly, and I kept
getting all these random i's and o's and w's and b's and stuff.
Really pissed me off.
-- 
______________________________________________________________________________
Abby Franquemont-Guillory	|         Infamous Devil's Advocate	
abbyfg@tezcat.com	        | "En ingles, como se dice la palabra brown?"  
news@tezcat.com          	|   Tezcat -- su internet mas emocionante.    
__________________Administrative Staff, Tezcatlipoca Inc._____________________

From: crosby@cs.colorado.edu (Matthew Crosby)

Subject: FAQ

Date: 2 Feb 1996 22:09:42 GMT

alt.sysadmin.recovery FAQ  v0.3

Thanks to Simon Burr, Adrian Colley, Jeff Ballard and 9000 other people
who who suggested improvements.  Look at 
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr.html for a htmlised version
of this.  A European version may be found at 
http://www.ctrl-c.liu.se/~ingvar/asr/

1) ABOUT THE GROUP

1.1)  What is alt.sysadmin.recovery?
1.2)  Notes on reading ASR
1.3)  What is not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery?
1.4)  What does BOFH mean?  How about LART?  Cow-orker?
1.5)  Where can I find the BOFH?
1.6)  The BOFH hierarchy
1.7)  Official ASR mottos
1.9)  Hail Eris!  Sysadmin Religion
1.9)  Songs to drink to
1.10) Man pages
1.11) ASR organizations
1.12) So what's with the INTJ and stuff?
1.13) I hate this group!  Where do I complain?

2) ABOUT OUR FINE PROFESSION

2.1) I want to be a sysadmin.  What should I do?
2.2) So, I've just "volunteered" to be a sysadmin.  What do I do?
2.3) Where do sysadmins rank as a profession?
2.4) How are new sysadmins made?
2.5) What's a typical day in the life of a sysadmin?
2.6) Why can't I find my sysadmin?
2.7) What sort of music do sysadmins listen to???

3) OUR LITTLE FRIEND, THE COMPUTER

3.1)  Are there any OS's that don't suck?
3.2)  How about any hardware?
3.3)  Where can I find cluefull tech support?
3.4)  What can I do to help my computers behave?
3.5)  What's with the AOL disks?
3.6)  What can I do with all these CD Roms?

4) OUR BIG HEADACHE, THE LUSERS

4.1)  Where can I find stories about the little bastards?
4.2)  I'm work for tech support.  Where can I find cluefull customers?
4.3)  General luser interaction
4.4)  What is the best way to deal with lusers?
4.5)  Revolvers, cyanide and high voltages:  The pros and cons of 
      various luser education strategies.
4.6)  How can I clean up the mess made by a lusers brain splattered across
      a monitor?
4.7)  What is the penalty for murdering a luser?
4.8)  How much should I charge for holding their hands?

5) DEALING WITH BEING A SYSADMIN

5.1)  Caffeine and other Recreational Pharmaceuticals
5.2)  The excuse server
5.3)  The insults server
5.4)  Should I slit my wrists across or downwards?
5.5)  Sysadmin Tools
5.6)  Psychiatric Assistance

6) OK, SERIOUSLY FOLKS!   HELP!!!!!

6.1)  Serious info about being a sysadmin
6.2)  DOODZ!!!!!! W3R3 CAN 1 F1ND SUM K3WL WAREZ???????????

7) OTHER RESOURCES

7.1) If you like ASR, you'll love...

-----

1) OVERVIEW

1.1)  What is alt.sysadmin.recovery?

Alt.sysadmin.recovery is for discussion by recovered and recovering sysadmins.
It is a forum for mutual support and griping over idiot lusers, stupid
tech support, brain dead hardware and generally how stupid this idiotic job
is.  Think of it as a virtual pub, where we can all go after hours and
gripe about our job.  Since the concept of "after hours" (or, for that
matter, "pubs") is an anathema for your average sysadmin, we have this
instead.

1.2)  Notes on reading ASR

Some have warned that reading ASR while drinking beverages is to be avoided.
[due to the effects of beverage on keyboards on computers]

1.3)  What is not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery?

Not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery are:  holy wars, advocacy, user 
questions, users (unless you are a sysadmin in another life), David Rhodes 
or general cluelessness.  

Particularly not welcome is ANY real sysadmin related stuff.  We 
are here to escape!

Warning:  If you are a user, you may well see your sysadmin posting messages
about how stupid YOU are.  You have been warned.

1.4)  What does BOFH mean?  How about LART?  Cow-orker?

BOFH

Bastard Operator From Hell.  Our role model.
(The Bastard Operator from Hell was originally a series of stories written
by Simon Travaglia, simon@waikato.ac.nz.  See 1.5.)

LART

Luser Attitude Re-Adjustment Tool.  Something large, heavy and painful--
See the sysadmin tool section.

Cow-Orker:

Those people who live at the same office as you do.  (WARNING:  Orking Cows
is dangerous, and illegal in the state of Utah)

C|N>K

This, along with variants, is similar to ROFL in other less cultured groups.
(hint: C is coffee, N is nose, K is keyboard.)

1.5)  Where can I read about the BOFH?

http://prime-mover.cc.waikato.ac.nz/Bastard.html
A UK mirror may be found at http://www.mechnet.liv.ac.uk/~roy/bastard.html

1.6)  The BOFH hierarchy

ASR is such a cool newsgroup, we even have our own hierarchy!  Try that,
soc.singles!  
This is the bofh.*  hierarchy.  For more information about this, contact
Peter da Silva at peter@taronga.com for more information.

1.7)  Official ASR mottos

Official mottos of ASR:

"Down, not Across"
"What was your username?" *clickety click*
"I need a drink."
AAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The official asr position: 

Hiding in a corner, under a desk, in fetal position, arms covering head
and quietly whimpering.

The official asr luser position:

6 foot under.

1.8)  Hail Eris!  Sysadmin Religion

By popular acclaim,  Eris has been declared patron goddess of ASR, with
Murphy as patron saint.  The Illuminati Trilogy (Robert Anton Wilson 
and Robert Shea) will tell you more of her secrets.

Of course, don't let this put you off.  ASR is a very tolerant group, and 
we will accept anything you worship, provided your beliefs fit the requirements
for a good sysadmin god.
(These include the sacrifice of lusers as an integral part of worship)
(Quetzalcoatl is very nice in this respect)

1.9)  Songs to drink to

ASR has many talented budding creative artists who have come up with a
collection of deep, heart wrenching statements on the nihilism of this
sysadmin existence.  Including such gems as the cynical "I'm a sysadmin
and I'm OK", the reflective "My favorite things", _The Best of ASR_ will 
be coming out soon on Sony, 12.99 CD, 7.99 Cassette.

Until this happens, you can find these songs at 
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/songs.html  

[OK, OK, SO THEY AREN'T THERE.  I LOST THE $@#%!$@ FILE AND COULDN'T
FIND THEM ON BACKUPS.  ANYONE GOT THESE?]

1.10)  Man pages

The ASR man page collection is a comprehensive reference to many of the 
things we have to deal with in our profession.

See http://www.winternet.com/~eric/sysadmin-man.html

1.11) ASR organizations

There have been a few organizations formed around ASR, notably the bofh.org.uk
domain.  If you would like to have an address in this, you can find the
requirements at http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/bofh.uk
or contact Piers Cawley, pdcawley@bofh.org.uk.

1.12) So what's with the INTJ and stuff?

These are Keirsey scores.  See http://sunsite.unc.edu/personality/keirsey.html
to find out yours.

1.13) I hate this group!  Where do I complain?

Probably you want the guys who run this group.  Address mail to:

    Usenet Central Administration
    1060 W. Addison
    Chicago, IL 60636

They should be willing to help you out.

-----

2) ABOUT OUR FINE PROFESSION

2.1) I want to be a sysadmin.  What should I do?

Seek professional help.

2.2) So, I've just "volunteered" to be a sysadmin.  What do I do?

See 5.3

Also look at http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/admin-expressions.html,
which can provide you with useful vocabulary for your sysadmin career.

2.3) Where do sysadmins rank as a profession

Somewhere below janitors.

2.4) How are new sysadmins made

The devil probably has something to do with it.

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/where-sysadmins-come-from.html

2.5) What's a typical day in the life of a sysadmin

For an excellent, if somewhat optimistic, picture of a sysadmins life,
see http://lynx.dac.neu.edu:8000/~tfarrell/writings/life.of.a.sysadmin.html

Abby Franquemont-Guillory summarised the life of a sysadmin the best, when
she described us as:

"disgruntled, disenchanted with things we used to really get a kick out of, 
foul tempered, hard-drinking, heavy-smoking, overworked, with no real 
social life to speak of."

2.6) Why can't I find my sysadmin?

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/sysadmin.html

2.7) What sort of music do sysadmins listen to?

This gets asked a lot.  Probably all I can say is "loud", and even that isn't
a given.  A survey of the readership of ASR was taken, which may be found at
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/music

-----

3) OUR LITTLE FRIEND, THE COMPUTER
 
3.1)  Are there any OS's that don't suck?

No.  

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/hall-of-shame.html

3.2)  How about any hardware?

The PDP-10 was pretty nice.  Pity they stopped making them in '83.

3.3)  Where can I find cluefull tech support?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Basically, I think there is some device the telco puts on the phone that
ensures that whoever is on the other end of a service call is always
a drooling moron with the IQ of a potted plant.  Note that this applies
both ways (see 4.3)

3.4)  What can I do to help my computers behave?

Some go for the carrot approach, others the stick, others both.  If you
favour the carrot, try offering memory upgrades or faster processors.
For sticks, try bullwhips.  Many computers are easily fooled, so placing
a picture of yourself in front of a computer will often cause it to think
you are watching and it will be too scared to misbehave.

Remember that if computers are networked, they can talk to each other.
That is useful when you make an example of one.

3.5)  What's with all the AOL disks?

There is a large amount of speculation on this subject.  Some have
suggested that COL is a secret alien plot to use up all the resources
and overwhelm the earth with disks, to make mankind easier to conquer.
Whatever the reason, they are useful as coasters and as scratch floppies,
if nothing else.

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/aol.html

3.6)  What should I do with all these CD Roms?

Shove them in a microwave for a minute or so, and watch the fun!

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/unwanted-cds.html

-----

4)  OUR LITTLE ENEMIES, THE LUSERS

4.1)  Where can I find stories about the little bastards?

See the Stupid User Mini-FAQ, 
http://darwin.clas.virginia.edu/~jgt7c/mini-faq.html
Also check out http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/user.html

4.2)  I'm on tech support.  Where can I find cluefull customers?

See 3.3

A cluefull luser is an oxymoron.

4.3)  General User Interaction

Some tips for general luser interaction:
 -lusers, bless their little hearts, have simple minds.  Even if you think 
  that a lobotomized flatworm could understand your instructions, your
  luser probably won't.
 
 -since lusers will neither read nor understand any docs you write for them, 
  just don't even bother.

 -NEVER anthropomorphise lusers.  

4.4)  What is the best way to deal with lusers?

240v across the heart, a revolver through the head, or even a simple little
broadsword thrust into their abdomen will improve your interactions
wonderfully.  See 4.5

4.5)  Revolvers, cyanide and high voltages:  The pros and cons of 
      various luser education strategies.

There has been a great deal of debate on a.s.r about the best way of
dealing with lusers, and at this time no consensus has been reached.

What we can suggest, however, is to be sure it is painful, clean, and doesn't
harm the computer.

4.6)  How can I clean up the mess made by a lusers brain splattered across
      a monitor?

It is not thought at this time that cluelessness is contagious, so you
don't have to be squeamish.  Warm water and soap will usually do the trick.

4.7)  What is the penalty for murdering a luser?

Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, lusers are treated like humans.
I therefore recommend you be discreet in your luser education campaigns.

4.8)  How much should I charge for holding their hands?

See the official ASR price list, at 
http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~moose/sysadmin/pricelist.html

-----

5) DEALING WITH BEING A SYSADMIN

5.1)  Caffeine and other Recreational Pharmaceuticals

Caffeine:  Much information about this can be found on alt.drugs.caffeine

See http://homepage.seas.upenn.edu/~cpage/caffeine/FAQmain.html

Booze:  See rec.food.drink.*.  Myself, I prefer coding after a six-pack
of Samual Smiths Oatmeal Stout, but you are welcome to your beverage
of choice.  Booze, particularly in large quantities, often makes dealing
with lusers much more interesting.

We had an informal survey into the ASR booze of choice, and the only thing
was resolved in terms of ASR beer preference is that yes, there is indeed
a lot of choice.

Lots of net resources.  I recommend alt.drunken.bastards
[need a good URL, not just beer specific]

Pot and other stuff:  rec.drugs.* can help you here.
See http://www.hyperreal.com/drugs/ for more info
(for educational use only, I'd never, etc etc)

5.2)  The excuse server

This is an important net resource, that lets you give the exact reason
why you can't do something yesterday.

See http://www.engr.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofhserver.html
Or telnet bofh.engr.wisc.edu 666

5.3)  The insults server

Once you have got rid of your lusers, you will probably want to tell them
what they really are.  For this, the insults server is useful.

telnet insulthost.colorado.edu 1695

5.4)  Should I slit my wrists across or downwards?

Downward.  For more information on interesting methods, see the 
alt.suicide.holiday faq: 
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/suicide_methods/faq.html

5.5)  Sysadmin Tools

There are a number of tools that make being a sysadming important.  Most
important are chemical; see 5.1.  A particularly useful tool, revered by
many of ASR, is the noble chocolate covered coffee bean.  Since these may
be hard to find, here are some places where they have been spotted:

Manchster, UK:  Coffee shop at Piccadilly railway station
Chistchurch, NZ:  Discoveries, on Victoria St.
UK:  Sainsbury's.
Madison, WI:  Copps Food Center.
Toronto, CA:  The country kitchen, Eglington Station.

You can also make your own.

Next in line is a good LART.  A 2x4 works fine, but a real professional
needs something a little more effective.  Unfortunately, this is a very
personal thing, and no consensus has yet been reached on the group.  
Everything from a simple, 7.65mm Walther (for the Bond fans only, its not a
very good gun) to a 155mm with depleted Uranium rounds has been suggested, 
some even going for exotic things like Thermite, nukes or flamethrowers.
For further info, look at the rec.guns home page 
(http://www.teleport.com/~dputzolu/)

You can find a lot of cool stuff at Military Surplus stores.  (Sadly, they
don't sell the really interesting surplus stuff)
Try US Cavalry, 1-800-777-7732.

When you can't use the LART (eg, you don't want to damage a computer),
water pistols and Nerfs are excellent substitutes.  Nerfs, for those of
you outside the US, are a range of foam weapons.  Don't leave ~ without
it.

The leatherman is another useful tool.  The Perl of swiss army knifes, this
shouldn't be too hard to find.  

Finally, there are some tools a sysadmin is forbidden from having.  Adequate
computing power is first on this list, but the most important is called a 
"life".
(could someone send me some info on this last?  I've heard of it, but never
had one)

5.6)  Psychiatric Assistance

If you are reading this, you need it.  Contact your health insurance, and
look at the Mental health net. http://www.cmhcsys.com/welcome.htm

-----

6) OK, SERIOUSLY FOLKS!   HELP!!!!!

6.1)  Serious info about being a sysadmin

Well, if you REALLY need help, don't ask here.  Go over to whatever group
is appropriate for what you are adminning (eg: comp.unix.admin), and
ask there.

6.2)  DOODZ!!!!!! W3R3 CAN 1 F1ND SUM K3WL WAREZ???????????

Sounds like you want the Warez-net.  Here are a list of some participating 
sites:
ftp.japan.com
warez.satanic.org
pcwarez.compumedia.com
warez.phantom.com

These place also have a good collection of gifs.
(You need to log in with _your own_ name and password)

-----

7) OTHER RESOURCES

7.1) If you like ASR, you'll love...

...alt.folklore.computers

Once a wonderful place, where great hackers strove to discuss mighty deeds
done on real computers, this newsgroup has sadly decayed somewhat in recent
years.  With the advent of the minions of the Dark Lord and the even Darker
Lord fighting over their respective toy OS's, the flames have overcome 
the real discussion.  Though the fight is still going on, many of the eldar
hackers have despaired of the net, fleeing the shores of AFC for good.
(some have come here).  Sic transit gloria mundi.
Still worth a read, just be sure to have a kill file.

...the jargon file

Not _particularly_ sysadmin related,  this is rather a document on the 
general computer lore.  May be found at http://www.ccil.org/jargon/jargon.html


-- 
Matthew Crosby                                         crosby@cs.colorado.edu
Disclaimer:  It was another country, and besides, the wench is dead.

From: crosby@cs.colorado.edu (Matthew Crosby)

Subject: FAQ

Date: 2 Feb 1996 22:09:42 GMT

alt.sysadmin.recovery FAQ  v0.3

Thanks to Simon Burr, Adrian Colley, Jeff Ballard and 9000 other people
who who suggested improvements.  Look at 
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr.html for a htmlised version
of this.  A European version may be found at 
http://www.ctrl-c.liu.se/~ingvar/asr/

1) ABOUT THE GROUP

1.1)  What is alt.sysadmin.recovery?
1.2)  Notes on reading ASR
1.3)  What is not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery?
1.4)  What does BOFH mean?  How about LART?  Cow-orker?
1.5)  Where can I find the BOFH?
1.6)  The BOFH hierarchy
1.7)  Official ASR mottos
1.9)  Hail Eris!  Sysadmin Religion
1.9)  Songs to drink to
1.10) Man pages
1.11) ASR organizations
1.12) So what's with the INTJ and stuff?
1.13) I hate this group!  Where do I complain?

2) ABOUT OUR FINE PROFESSION

2.1) I want to be a sysadmin.  What should I do?
2.2) So, I've just "volunteered" to be a sysadmin.  What do I do?
2.3) Where do sysadmins rank as a profession?
2.4) How are new sysadmins made?
2.5) What's a typical day in the life of a sysadmin?
2.6) Why can't I find my sysadmin?
2.7) What sort of music do sysadmins listen to???

3) OUR LITTLE FRIEND, THE COMPUTER

3.1)  Are there any OS's that don't suck?
3.2)  How about any hardware?
3.3)  Where can I find cluefull tech support?
3.4)  What can I do to help my computers behave?
3.5)  What's with the AOL disks?
3.6)  What can I do with all these CD Roms?

4) OUR BIG HEADACHE, THE LUSERS

4.1)  Where can I find stories about the little bastards?
4.2)  I'm work for tech support.  Where can I find cluefull customers?
4.3)  General luser interaction
4.4)  What is the best way to deal with lusers?
4.5)  Revolvers, cyanide and high voltages:  The pros and cons of 
      various luser education strategies.
4.6)  How can I clean up the mess made by a lusers brain splattered across
      a monitor?
4.7)  What is the penalty for murdering a luser?
4.8)  How much should I charge for holding their hands?

5) DEALING WITH BEING A SYSADMIN

5.1)  Caffeine and other Recreational Pharmaceuticals
5.2)  The excuse server
5.3)  The insults server
5.4)  Should I slit my wrists across or downwards?
5.5)  Sysadmin Tools
5.6)  Psychiatric Assistance

6) OK, SERIOUSLY FOLKS!   HELP!!!!!

6.1)  Serious info about being a sysadmin
6.2)  DOODZ!!!!!! W3R3 CAN 1 F1ND SUM K3WL WAREZ???????????

7) OTHER RESOURCES

7.1) If you like ASR, you'll love...

-----

1) OVERVIEW

1.1)  What is alt.sysadmin.recovery?

Alt.sysadmin.recovery is for discussion by recovered and recovering sysadmins.
It is a forum for mutual support and griping over idiot lusers, stupid
tech support, brain dead hardware and generally how stupid this idiotic job
is.  Think of it as a virtual pub, where we can all go after hours and
gripe about our job.  Since the concept of "after hours" (or, for that
matter, "pubs") is an anathema for your average sysadmin, we have this
instead.

1.2)  Notes on reading ASR

Some have warned that reading ASR while drinking beverages is to be avoided.
[due to the effects of beverage on keyboards on computers]

1.3)  What is not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery?

Not welcome on alt.sysadmin.recovery are:  holy wars, advocacy, user 
questions, users (unless you are a sysadmin in another life), David Rhodes 
or general cluelessness.  

Particularly not welcome is ANY real sysadmin related stuff.  We 
are here to escape!

Warning:  If you are a user, you may well see your sysadmin posting messages
about how stupid YOU are.  You have been warned.

1.4)  What does BOFH mean?  How about LART?  Cow-orker?

BOFH

Bastard Operator From Hell.  Our role model.
(The Bastard Operator from Hell was originally a series of stories written
by Simon Travaglia, simon@waikato.ac.nz.  See 1.5.)

LART

Luser Attitude Re-Adjustment Tool.  Something large, heavy and painful--
See the sysadmin tool section.

Cow-Orker:

Those people who live at the same office as you do.  (WARNING:  Orking Cows
is dangerous, and illegal in the state of Utah)

C|N>K

This, along with variants, is similar to ROFL in other less cultured groups.
(hint: C is coffee, N is nose, K is keyboard.)

1.5)  Where can I read about the BOFH?

http://prime-mover.cc.waikato.ac.nz/Bastard.html
A UK mirror may be found at http://www.mechnet.liv.ac.uk/~roy/bastard.html

1.6)  The BOFH hierarchy

ASR is such a cool newsgroup, we even have our own hierarchy!  Try that,
soc.singles!  
This is the bofh.*  hierarchy.  For more information about this, contact
Peter da Silva at peter@taronga.com for more information.

1.7)  Official ASR mottos

Official mottos of ASR:

"Down, not Across"
"What was your username?" *clickety click*
"I need a drink."
AAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The official asr position: 

Hiding in a corner, under a desk, in fetal position, arms covering head
and quietly whimpering.

The official asr luser position:

6 foot under.

1.8)  Hail Eris!  Sysadmin Religion

By popular acclaim,  Eris has been declared patron goddess of ASR, with
Murphy as patron saint.  The Illuminati Trilogy (Robert Anton Wilson 
and Robert Shea) will tell you more of her secrets.

Of course, don't let this put you off.  ASR is a very tolerant group, and 
we will accept anything you worship, provided your beliefs fit the requirements
for a good sysadmin god.
(These include the sacrifice of lusers as an integral part of worship)
(Quetzalcoatl is very nice in this respect)

1.9)  Songs to drink to

ASR has many talented budding creative artists who have come up with a
collection of deep, heart wrenching statements on the nihilism of this
sysadmin existence.  Including such gems as the cynical "I'm a sysadmin
and I'm OK", the reflective "My favorite things", _The Best of ASR_ will 
be coming out soon on Sony, 12.99 CD, 7.99 Cassette.

Until this happens, you can find these songs at 
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/songs.html  

[OK, OK, SO THEY AREN'T THERE.  I LOST THE $@#%!$@ FILE AND COULDN'T
FIND THEM ON BACKUPS.  ANYONE GOT THESE?]

1.10)  Man pages

The ASR man page collection is a comprehensive reference to many of the 
things we have to deal with in our profession.

See http://www.winternet.com/~eric/sysadmin-man.html

1.11) ASR organizations

There have been a few organizations formed around ASR, notably the bofh.org.uk
domain.  If you would like to have an address in this, you can find the
requirements at http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/bofh.uk
or contact Piers Cawley, pdcawley@bofh.org.uk.

1.12) So what's with the INTJ and stuff?

These are Keirsey scores.  See http://sunsite.unc.edu/personality/keirsey.html
to find out yours.

1.13) I hate this group!  Where do I complain?

Probably you want the guys who run this group.  Address mail to:

    Usenet Central Administration
    1060 W. Addison
    Chicago, IL 60636

They should be willing to help you out.

-----

2) ABOUT OUR FINE PROFESSION

2.1) I want to be a sysadmin.  What should I do?

Seek professional help.

2.2) So, I've just "volunteered" to be a sysadmin.  What do I do?

See 5.3

Also look at http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/admin-expressions.html,
which can provide you with useful vocabulary for your sysadmin career.

2.3) Where do sysadmins rank as a profession

Somewhere below janitors.

2.4) How are new sysadmins made

The devil probably has something to do with it.

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/where-sysadmins-come-from.html

2.5) What's a typical day in the life of a sysadmin

For an excellent, if somewhat optimistic, picture of a sysadmins life,
see http://lynx.dac.neu.edu:8000/~tfarrell/writings/life.of.a.sysadmin.html

Abby Franquemont-Guillory summarised the life of a sysadmin the best, when
she described us as:

"disgruntled, disenchanted with things we used to really get a kick out of, 
foul tempered, hard-drinking, heavy-smoking, overworked, with no real 
social life to speak of."

2.6) Why can't I find my sysadmin?

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/sysadmin.html

2.7) What sort of music do sysadmins listen to?

This gets asked a lot.  Probably all I can say is "loud", and even that isn't
a given.  A survey of the readership of ASR was taken, which may be found at
http://ugrad-www.cs.colorado.edu/~crosby/asr/music

-----

3) OUR LITTLE FRIEND, THE COMPUTER
 
3.1)  Are there any OS's that don't suck?

No.  

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/hall-of-shame.html

3.2)  How about any hardware?

The PDP-10 was pretty nice.  Pity they stopped making them in '83.

3.3)  Where can I find cluefull tech support?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Basically, I think there is some device the telco puts on the phone that
ensures that whoever is on the other end of a service call is always
a drooling moron with the IQ of a potted plant.  Note that this applies
both ways (see 4.3)

3.4)  What can I do to help my computers behave?

Some go for the carrot approach, others the stick, others both.  If you
favour the carrot, try offering memory upgrades or faster processors.
For sticks, try bullwhips.  Many computers are easily fooled, so placing
a picture of yourself in front of a computer will often cause it to think
you are watching and it will be too scared to misbehave.

Remember that if computers are networked, they can talk to each other.
That is useful when you make an example of one.

3.5)  What's with all the AOL disks?

There is a large amount of speculation on this subject.  Some have
suggested that COL is a secret alien plot to use up all the resources
and overwhelm the earth with disks, to make mankind easier to conquer.
Whatever the reason, they are useful as coasters and as scratch floppies,
if nothing else.

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/aol.html

3.6)  What should I do with all these CD Roms?

Shove them in a microwave for a minute or so, and watch the fun!

See http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/unwanted-cds.html

-----

4)  OUR LITTLE ENEMIES, THE LUSERS

4.1)  Where can I find stories about the little bastards?

See the Stupid User Mini-FAQ, 
http://darwin.clas.virginia.edu/~jgt7c/mini-faq.html
Also check out http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/user.html

4.2)  I'm on tech support.  Where can I find cluefull customers?

See 3.3

A cluefull luser is an oxymoron.

4.3)  General User Interaction

Some tips for general luser interaction:
 -lusers, bless their little hearts, have simple minds.  Even if you think 
  that a lobotomized flatworm could understand your instructions, your
  luser probably won't.
 
 -since lusers will neither read nor understand any docs you write for them, 
  just don't even bother.

 -NEVER anthropomorphise lusers.  

4.4)  What is the best way to deal with lusers?

240v across the heart, a revolver through the head, or even a simple little
broadsword thrust into their abdomen will improve your interactions
wonderfully.  See 4.5

4.5)  Revolvers, cyanide and high voltages:  The pros and cons of 
      various luser education strategies.

There has been a great deal of debate on a.s.r about the best way of
dealing with lusers, and at this time no consensus has been reached.

What we can suggest, however, is to be sure it is painful, clean, and doesn't
harm the computer.

4.6)  How can I clean up the mess made by a lusers brain splattered across
      a monitor?

It is not thought at this time that cluelessness is contagious, so you
don't have to be squeamish.  Warm water and soap will usually do the trick.

4.7)  What is the penalty for murdering a luser?

Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, lusers are treated like humans.
I therefore recommend you be discreet in your luser education campaigns.

4.8)  How much should I charge for holding their hands?

See the official ASR price list, at 
http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~moose/sysadmin/pricelist.html

-----

5) DEALING WITH BEING A SYSADMIN

5.1)  Caffeine and other Recreational Pharmaceuticals

Caffeine:  Much information about this can be found on alt.drugs.caffeine

See http://homepage.seas.upenn.edu/~cpage/caffeine/FAQmain.html

Booze:  See rec.food.drink.*.  Myself, I prefer coding after a six-pack
of Samual Smiths Oatmeal Stout, but you are welcome to your beverage
of choice.  Booze, particularly in large quantities, often makes dealing
with lusers much more interesting.

We had an informal survey into the ASR booze of choice, and the only thing
was resolved in terms of ASR beer preference is that yes, there is indeed
a lot of choice.

Lots of net resources.  I recommend alt.drunken.bastards
[need a good URL, not just beer specific]

Pot and other stuff:  rec.drugs.* can help you here.
See http://www.hyperreal.com/drugs/ for more info
(for educational use only, I'd never, etc etc)

5.2)  The excuse server

This is an important net resource, that lets you give the exact reason
why you can't do something yesterday.

See http://www.engr.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofhserver.html
Or telnet bofh.engr.wisc.edu 666

5.3)  The insults server

Once you have got rid of your lusers, you will probably want to tell them
what they really are.  For this, the insults server is useful.

telnet insulthost.colorado.edu 1695

5.4)  Should I slit my wrists across or downwards?

Downward.  For more information on interesting methods, see the 
alt.suicide.holiday faq: 
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/suicide_methods/faq.html

5.5)  Sysadmin Tools

There are a number of tools that make being a sysadming important.  Most
important are chemical; see 5.1.  A particularly useful tool, revered by
many of ASR, is the noble chocolate covered coffee bean.  Since these may
be hard to find, here are some places where they have been spotted:

Manchster, UK:  Coffee shop at Piccadilly railway station
Chistchurch, NZ:  Discoveries, on Victoria St.
UK:  Sainsbury's.
Madison, WI:  Copps Food Center.
Toronto, CA:  The country kitchen, Eglington Station.

You can also make your own.

Next in line is a good LART.  A 2x4 works fine, but a real professional
needs something a little more effective.  Unfortunately, this is a very
personal thing, and no consensus has yet been reached on the group.  
Everything from a simple, 7.65mm Walther (for the Bond fans only, its not a
very good gun) to a 155mm with depleted Uranium rounds has been suggested, 
some even going for exotic things like Thermite, nukes or flamethrowers.
For further info, look at the rec.guns home page 
(http://www.teleport.com/~dputzolu/)

You can find a lot of cool stuff at Military Surplus stores.  (Sadly, they
don't sell the really interesting surplus stuff)
Try US Cavalry, 1-800-777-7732.

When you can't use the LART (eg, you don't want to damage a computer),
water pistols and Nerfs are excellent substitutes.  Nerfs, for those of
you outside the US, are a range of foam weapons.  Don't leave ~ without
it.

The leatherman is another useful tool.  The Perl of swiss army knifes, this
shouldn't be too hard to find.  

Finally, there are some tools a sysadmin is forbidden from having.  Adequate
computing power is first on this list, but the most important is called a 
"life".
(could someone send me some info on this last?  I've heard of it, but never
had one)

5.6)  Psychiatric Assistance

If you are reading this, you need it.  Contact your health insurance, and
look at the Mental health net. http://www.cmhcsys.com/welcome.htm

-----

6) OK, SERIOUSLY FOLKS!   HELP!!!!!

6.1)  Serious info about being a sysadmin

Well, if you REALLY need help, don't ask here.  Go over to whatever group
is appropriate for what you are adminning (eg: comp.unix.admin), and
ask there.

6.2)  DOODZ!!!!!! W3R3 CAN 1 F1ND SUM K3WL WAREZ???????????

Sounds like you want the Warez-net.  Here are a list of some participating 
sites:
ftp.japan.com
warez.satanic.org
pcwarez.compumedia.com
warez.phantom.com

These place also have a good collection of gifs.
(You need to log in with _your own_ name and password)

-----

7) OTHER RESOURCES

7.1) If you like ASR, you'll love...

...alt.folklore.computers

Once a wonderful place, where great hackers strove to discuss mighty deeds
done on real computers, this newsgroup has sadly decayed somewhat in recent
years.  With the advent of the minions of the Dark Lord and the even Darker
Lord fighting over their respective toy OS's, the flames have overcome 
the real discussion.  Though the fight is still going on, many of the eldar
hackers have despaired of the net, fleeing the shores of AFC for good.
(some have come here).  Sic transit gloria mundi.
Still worth a read, just be sure to have a kill file.

...the jargon file

Not _particularly_ sysadmin related,  this is rather a document on the 
general computer lore.  May be found at http://www.ccil.org/jargon/jargon.html


-- 
Matthew Crosby                                         crosby@cs.colorado.edu
Disclaimer:  It was another country, and besides, the wench is dead.

From: jpmg@esc.cam.ac.uk (Patrick Gosling)

Subject: Re: And today's dozy tit award goes to...

Date: 12 Feb 1996 15:59:12 GMT

In article <4fnbbv$25p@net.auckland.ac.nz>,
Peter Gutmann <pgut01@cs.auckland.ac.nz> wrote:
>BTW, this wasn't some luser, but a person who took the O'Reilly sendmail book 
>with him on a one-week trip to Australia so he'd have something to do, and 
>then spent about half an hour explaining to me that sendmail.cf was the most 
>wonderful thing on earth when he got back.

Ah, you mean someone very sad indeed.  While I have read sendmail books, FAQs,
and source code when I have had to, I can imagine other, better, things to do
in Australia (but maybe that's just because it's pissing down with rain
here at the moment).  

On the other hand, sendmail _is_ rather nice nowadays, once you get 
over the learning curve (which isn't such a big deal unless you get 
frightened by lots of non-alphanumeric characters), and I have
(GuiltyAdmissionBetterMadeByMyselfThanPointedOutByOurEmergencyHoloPostmaster) 
occasionally waxed lyrical about it. 

"When I first started working with sendmail, I was convinced that the
 cf file had been created by someone bashing their head on the keyboard.
 After a week, I realised this was, indeed, almost certainly the case"
					-attribution forgotten ...

-patrick.

From: dmd@wilde.oit.umass.edu (Daniel M Drucker)

Subject: VMS error messages found!

Date: 18 Feb 1996 18:58:37 -0500

|: >I once saw a list of parody VMS error messages, which I can't
|: >seem to find again anywhere. Does anyone know where this can be found?
|: "Error: VMS found. Processor going away to roll a spliff[1]".
|: [1] Not that a.s.r. would condone the use of illegal drugs. Oh no.
|Our ISP's news server is out of free disk space again; please post this
|for me.
|
| Gerald (Jerry) R. Leslie   jleslie@dmccorp.com    
| gleslie@isvsrv.enet.dec.com
| Dynamic Matrix Control Corporation                (my opinions are my own)


This is from
   ftp.spc.edu, USER1:[ANONYMOUS.HUMOR]VMS-MESSAGE-JOKE.TXT

   



	.FACILITY	SYSTEM,0/PREFIX=SS$_/SHARED/SYSTEM/MACRO=$SSDEF
	.SEVERITY	SUCCESS
	.BASE		0
NORMAL		<we were only kidding you, actually it blew up>
	.FACILITY	SYSTEM,0/PREFIX=SS$_/SHARED/SYSTEM/MACRO=$SSDEF
	.SEVERITY	FATAL
ACCVIO		<traffic violation, clocked speed=!XB in a !XL mph zone, PC=!XL,PSL=!XL>/FAO=4
BADPARAM	<ack! Phfftpt! Yuck!>
EXQUOTA		<you wanted how much? (snicker snicker)>
NOPRIV		<say 'pretty-please', or you can't do it>
ABORT		<it dropped dead in it's tracks>
BADATTRIB	<what was that attribute?>
BADESCAPE	<escape attempt failed>
BADIMGHDR	<Load and run it yourself, I can't read it.>
CHANINTLK	<channel is interlocking with someone else>
CTRLERR	<fatal controller error - your plane just crashed>
DATACHECK	<write check error - you are overdrawn at the data-bank>
DEVFOREIGN	<foreign device has a strange accent>
DEVMOUNT	<device is already mounted side-saddle>
DEVNOTMBX	<device is not a mailbox, see your postoffice for further help>
DEVNOTMOUNT	<device is not mounted, you pervert>
DEVOFFLINE	<device is sleeping late this morning>
DRVERR	<fatal drive error - your car has crashed>
DUPLNAM	<duplicate process name - which one is a clone?>
FILACCERR	<magnetic tape file access is nonblank>
FILALRACC	<file is already being accessed, you stupid gat!>
FILNOTACC	<try accessing the file first, rock-head>
FILNOTEXP	<file is not expecting any visitors today>
FORMAT	<FORTRAN format statements not allowed here or anywhere else>
GPTFULL	<guppy tank is full, call the cat, please>
GSDFULL	<gas dealer is full, and you can't have any>
LCKPAGFUL	<no more lock pages - you lose, buckwheat>
ILLBLKNUM	<illogical block number, all blocks fell down>
ILLCNTRFUNC	<illegal PCP purchase>
ILLEFC	<illegal peanut cluster>
ILLIOFUNC	<sick I/O function code>
ILLPAGCNT	<sick page count parameter>
ILLSER	<wrong service call number - call information>
INCVOLLABEL	<incorrect volume label, try the balance knob>
INSFARG	<insufferable arguments from a pipsqueak programmer>
INSFWSL	<insufficient working conditions, I quit>
INSFMEM	<insufficient memory, I forget what you want me to do>
INSFRAME	<insufficient cocktails to unwind with>
IVADDR	<invalid address - see the mail man>
IVCHAN	<invalid channel, try HBO or PREVIEW>
IVDEVNAM	<Do that one more time and you'll get logged out>
IVGSDNAM	<can't cram that name into the global symbol table>
IVLOGNAM	<illogical name>
IVLOGTAB	<illogical name table>
IVQUOTAL	<silly quota list>
IVSECFLG	<very strange process/global section flags>
IVSSRQ	<wrong call, bar-rag breath>
IVSTSFLG	<invalid status symbol, European cars are out>
IVTIME	<What time was that?>
LENVIO	<tried to cram too much into your space>
LKWSETFUL	<you can't cram anything more into locked portion of working set>
MBTOOSML	<mailbox is too small for packages, get a bigger one>
MEDOFL	<can't you see the medium is offline?>
NODATA	<mailbox is empty - nobody loves you anymore>
NOIOCHAN	<Channels are all tied up at the moment>
NOLOGNAM	<try a real logical name>
NONEXDRV	<imaginary drives bring imaginary results>
NOTFILEDEV	<you might consider trying a file-structured device>
NOTINTBLSZ	<block size is greater than 2048>
NOTLABELMT	<tape is not sticky, use glue>
NOTSQDEV	<you might actually consider using a sequential device>
PAGOWNVIO	<you violated the page owner, hope it was fun>
PARITY	<have a parity every friday>
PARTESCAPE	<you almost escaped but you got caught>
PFMBSY	<page fault monitor is busy, go home and try again tomorrow>
PSTFULL	<process section table is full - you lost>
RESULTOVF	<septic tank overflow>
SECTBLFUL	<section table (process/global) is full of scum>
TAPEPOSLOST	<magnetic tape lost, check machine room floor>
TIMEOUT	<timeout called by referee>
UNASEFC	<that wasn't the event flag cluster I was looking for>
UNSAFE	<drive unsafe at any speed.  Disk brakes failed>
VASFULL	<no more room - go away>
VECINUSE	<you already enabled that AST Vector you fool>
VOLINV	<volume is 3-dimensional>
WRITLCK	<you said to put a write lock on, now you want to write?>
NOTAPEOP	<look ma, no hands>
IVCHNLSEC	<invalid channel for create and mung section>
NOMBX	<no associated mailbox for 'OCCUPANT'>
NOLINKS	<Sausages are all gone>
NOSOLICIT	<Lawyers and courtesans need not apply>
NOSUCHNODE	<remote node is ridiculous>
REJECT	<stop wasting my time>
TOOMUCHDATA	<too much optional/interrupt data shoved at me>
BUGCHECK	<check for fleas>
FILNOTCNTG	<It's not the way you wanted it so I killed it>
BADSTACK	<Needles found in process stack>
MCHECK	<call Field Circus, say PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
DEVACTIVE	<device is spinning like a top>
HANGUP	<Data Set has more hangups than a closet full of shirts>
OPINCOMPL	<operator is incompetent>
ILLSEQOP	<sick, sick, sick!>
IVSECIDCTL	<wrong section, try the balcony>
NOTNETDEV	<not a net, maybe it's a basket>
IVPROTECT	<Protections don't work like that you silly gnome>
ACPVAFUL	<MTAACP crashed and burned>
MTLBLLONG	<Magtape label is too damn long!>
BUFBYTALI	<buffer bytes more than it can skew>
NOAQB	<Go to the head of the queue>
WRONGACP	<can't you do anything right?>
BUFNOTALIGN	<align, align, my kingdom for align>
DEVCMDERR	<Device can't understand your gibberish>
DEVREQERR	<Device requests you stop making errors>
INSFBUFDP	<lost on the data path to happiness>
INSFMAPREG	<I think we're lost, what do you think?>
IVBUFLEN	<You can't put that in there>
IVMODE	<You're on a liquid diet>
MCNOTVALID	<You MCdevice says your MCmicrocode is MCinvalid>
POWERFAIL	<power failure occurred - I just had a lobotomy>
SHMGSNOTMAP	<shared memory lost it bad>
TOOMANYLNAM	<logical name translation has me totally confused>
SHMNOTCNCT	<shared memory not connected - try plugging it in>
NOTCREATOR	<request denied, user is not God>
INTERLOCK	<unable to rip off system data structure interlock>
BADQUEUEHDR	<interlocked queue corrupted - what fun!>
NOSLOT	<No PCB purchases or swaps allowed - they're illegal>
SUSPENDED	<process is hanging by a thread>
EXPORTQUOTA	<Too many shipments from Japan>
NOSHMBLOCK	<Two heads are better than one, but I'm not Spock>
BADQFILE	<invalid disk quota file format, therefore you lose it all>
NOQFILE	<no disk quota file available - try the paging file instead>
QFACTIVE	<disk quota file is already active, and it probably doesn't work.>
QFNOTACT	<no quota file today.>
DUPDSKQUOTA	<Congratulations! you just had twins.>
NODISKQUOTA	<System manager forgot to give you a quota.>
EXDISKQUOTA	<disk quota exceeded. Files deleted at random>
IDMISMATCH	<ident mismatch with existing global section>
NOWRT	<now writing to read-only section>

    .SEVERITY    FATAL
    .BASE            128

PLHLDR	<reserved for future use>
ASTFLT	<AST fault, SP=!XL, param=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL, target PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=6
BREAK	<it's all your fault at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
CMODSUPR	<change mode to supervisor trap, code=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3
CMODUSER	<change mode to user trap, code=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3
COMPAT	<compatibility mode fault (code !UB) at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3
OPCCUS	<opcode reserved to Data General at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
OPCDEC	<opcode reserved to Data General at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
PAGRDERR	<page read error, reason mask=!XB, virtual address=!XL, PC=!XL,PSL=!XL>/FAO=4
RADRMOD	<reserved addressing fault at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
ROPRAND	<reserved operand fault at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
SSFAIL	<system service failure exception, status=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3
TBIT	<T-bit pending trap at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
DEBUG	<Raid was sprayed at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
ARTRES	<reserved arithmetic bear trap at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
INTOVF	<mouse trap, too many mice at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
INTDIV	<mouse trap, little heads cut off at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTOVF	<rat trap, floating in the well at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTDIV	<rat trap, floating in the divide at PC=!XL,PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTUND	<rat trap, floating under the sink at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
DECOVF	<bear trap, decimated one at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
SUBRNG	<bear trap, buckshot out of range at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTOVF_F	<your fault, floating overflow at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTDIV_F	<your fault, floating divide by zero at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
FLTUND_F	<your fault, floating underflow at PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=2
INHCHMK	<very inhibited CHMKernel trap, code=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3
INHCHME	<very inhibited CHMExecutive trap, code=!XL, PC=!XL, PSL=!XL>/FAO=3


!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 000004D9>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 000005F9>

	.SEVERITY	SUCCESS
	.BASE		192

BUFFEROVF	<output buffer barfed>
CONTROLO	<output completed very quietly...>
CONTROLY	<operation completed under CTRL/Y>
CREATEDF	<file/section did not exist so I created it for you>/ident=CREATED
MSGNOTFND	<message not in system message file - are you surprised?>
NOTRAN	<No traducio el nombre>
SUPERSEDE	<logical name replaced at random>
WASECC	<successful transfer; no data check, really.>
DEVALRALLOC	<you already have that device, bonehead!>
REMOTE	<remote node took it's sweet time doing it>
CONTROLC	<operation completed anyway, I listen well>
NOTMODIFIED	<no pages in the section were modified>
RDDELDATA	<read deleted data address mark and it was lots of fun>
OVRDSKQUOTA	<Now deleting files at random>
SYSVERDIF	<relink this image or you can't have any privileges>
FILEPURGED	<newest file version purged>
NOTALLPRIV	<you and I both know you can't do all of those things>
SYNCH	<hey it all worked>
CONCEALED	<logical device name concealed a small hatpin>
INCOMPAT	<Feature incompatible with every system version>
DBGOPCREQ	<debugger opcode request for PC !XL !+>/FAO=2
ALRDYCLOSED	<wake up, it finished already>
LNMCREATED	<logical name table needed leaves put in it>
ACEIDMATCH	<ACE identifier match>
DBGEVENT	<debugger event - someone used Raid>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 000006C9>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 000007F9>

	.SEVERITY	WARNING
	.BASE		256

ACCONFLICT	<fight over the access with someone else>
BADCHKSUM	<bad file header checksum>
BADFILEHDR	<bad file header - can't you read?>
BADFILENAME	<file name sucks raw eggs>
BADFILEVER	<bad file version number>
BADIRECTORY	<no way that's a directory>
CANCEL	<I/O operation canceled>
DATAOVERUN	<data overrun>
DEVALLOC	<device already stolen by another loser>
DEVASSIGN	<device has channels assigned>
DEVICEFULL	<device full - you can't have it>
DEVNOTALLOC	<device not stolen, yet>
DIRFULL	<directory has had too much to eat>
DUPFILENAME	<I'm seeing double>
ENDOFFILE	<end of file - now reading nonexistant data>
ENDOFTAPE	<end of tape - now playing track 2>
EXTIDXFILE	<***** obsolete - delete when convenient>
FCPREADERR	<file processor read error>
FCPREWNDERR	<file processor rewind error>
FCPSPACERR	<file processor space error>
FCPWRITERR	<file processor write error>
FILELOCKED	<file locked with combination padlock>
FILENUMCHK	<file identification number check by system police>
FILESEQCHK	<file identification sequence number check by auditors>
FILESTRUCT	<you can define that structure level yourself, I don't understand it>
HEADERFULL	<file header is full, empty it.>
IDXFILEFULL	<index file is full, empty it.>
MBFULL	<mailbox is full, so empty it>
NOHOMEBLK	<Files-11 home block is on another disk, apparently>
NONEXPR	<Nobody there by that name>
NONLOCAL	<device is not local - call the State Department>
NOHANDLER	<keep your handlers of of my stack>
NOSIGNAL	<no smoke signals currently on the horizon>
NOSUCHDEV	<There are none of those here!>
NOSUCHFILE	<I looked and looked and just can't find it>
RESIGNAL	<I can't be bothered. ask the next handler>
UNWIND	<unwind and slip into something more comfortable>
UNWINDING	<leave me alone, I'm unwinding>
NOMOREFILES	<no more files - would you like to see my etchings?>
BEGOFFILE	<beginning of time recorded>
BLOCKCNTERR	<block count error>
MUSTCLOSEFL	<must close file badly>
WAITUSRLBL	<waiting for user labels>
ILLUSRLBLRD	<illegal read of user labels>
ILLUSRLBLWT	<illegal write of user labels>
ILLLBLAST	<illegal user label AST control block address>
ENDOFUSRLBL	<no more user labels>
NOSUCHSEC	<no such (global) section>
CLIFRCEXT	<CLI forced programmus interruptus>
FCPREPSTN	<file processor reposition error>
TOOMANYVER	<too many higher file versions>
NOTVOLSET	<keep your volumes in the family, buddy>
ENDOFVOLUME	<yum yum. have any more?>
NOMOREPROC	<ran out of process steam>
NODEVAVL	<no device available now - got a few minutes?>
NOTQUEUED	<request punted>
DGQINCOMP	<datagram queue operation incomplete>
DIRALLOC	<can't allocate directory space - you lose>
ACLEMPTY	<access control list is empty>
NOENTRY	<access control entry not found>
NOMOREACE	<access control list is exhausted, it's been up all night>
RIGHTSFULL	<rights list had too much to eat>
VALNOTVALID	<value block is not valid>
ACLFULL	<ACL segment list had too much to eat>
NOMORENODE	<no nodes in the first place>
NOMORELOCK	<no more locks, we got bagels left>
BEGOFTAPE	<beginning of time encountered>
OBJLOCKHELD	<object's lock already held by someone else>

!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000A19>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000BF9>

	.SEVERITY	INFORMATIONAL
	.BASE		384

EOTIN	<EOT response to text>
CHAINW	<chained write received>

!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000C11>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000DF9>

	.SEVERITY	ERROR
	.BASE		448

LINEABRT	<host died or is deaf>
DEADLOCK	<deadlock detected - kill yourself>
NOLOCKID	<no lock id. available>
EXDEPTH	<exceeded allowed depth - the pressure is too much!>
PARTMAPPED	<some file map pointers not permanently resident>
CANCELGRANT	<cannot cancel a granted lock, you're stuck with it now>
RETRY	<Play it one more time, Sam>
BADACL	<ACL is hopelessly corrupted - have a nice day>
ACEEXISTS	<you already have that ACE in the ACL>

!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000E49>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00000FF9>

	.SEVERITY	WARNING
	.BASE		512

APPENDEDB	<!AS scrambled with !AS (!UL block!%S dropped)>/FAO=3/IDENT=APPENDED
APPENDEDR	<!AS scrambled with !AS (!UL record!%S lost)>/FAO=3/IDENT=APPENDED

BADBYTE	<garbage (!XB) at !XL>/FAO=2/IDENT=BADDATA
BADFIELD	<!AS field is garbaged out at !XL>/FAO=2
BADLONG	<garbage (!XL) found at !XL>/FAO=2/IDENT=BADDATA
BADWORD	<garbage (!XW) smelled at !XL>/FAO=2/IDENT=BADDATA
BEGIN	<!AS beginning to lose>/FAO=1
BEGIND	<!AS started at !%D>/FAO=2/IDENT=BEGIN
BEGINT	<!AS beginning of the end at !%T>/FAO=2/IDENT=BEGIN
CLICB	<CLI control block at !XL>/FAO=1
CLOSEIN	<error closing !AS - it slammed shut>/FAO=1
CLOSEOUT	<error closing !AS - it has claustrophobia>/FAO=1
COPIEDB	<!AS mangled into !AS (!UL block!%S shuffled)>/FAO=3/IDENT=COPIED
COPIEDR	<!AS squished into !AS (!UL record!%S broken)>/FAO=3/ident=COPIED
CREATED	<!AS created in Guiness Book of Records>/FAO=1
ENDED	<!AS passed away>/FAO=1
ENDEDD	<!AS died at !%D>/FAO=2/IDENT=ENDED
ENDEDT	<!AS kicked the bucket at !%T>/FAO=2/IDENT=ENDED
NEWFILES	<!UL file!%S mixed up together>/FAO=2
OPENIN	<error opening !AS like a can of sardines>/FAO=1
OPENOUT	<error opening !AS - my fingers slipped>/FAO=1
OVERLAY	<!AS being overwritten, along with the rest of your directory>/FAO=1
READERR	<error reading !AS, I lost my glasses>/FAO=1
REPLACED	<!AS being replaced by zeroes>/FAO=1
WILDCONCAT	<wildcard specification cannot be trumped>/ident=CONCAT
WILDOUTVER	<you can't use wildcards there, you dope>
WRITEERR	<error writing !AS. -5 for spelling>/FAO=1
ITDIED	<!AS terminated with extreme prejudice>/FAO=1
ABENDD	<the world will end for !AS at !%D>/FAO=2/IDENT=ITDIED
ABENDT	<the world ended for !AS at !%T>/FAO=2/IDENT=ITDIED
SYSERRORPC	<!AS system service sputtered out at PC !XL>/FAO=2/IDENT=SYSERROR
SYNTAX	<error parsing '!AS'. Do it right or I'll break your fingers>/FAO=1
NOVALUE	<'!AS' keyword requires $5000 in small unmarked bills>/FAO=1
BADKEY	<'!AS' is tantamount to blackmail>/FAO=1
BADVALUE	<'!AS' turns my stomach>/FAO=1
BADDELIM	<keep your '!AS' to yourself, gobbler>/FAO=1
BADLOGIC	<I don't know what I'm doing>
NOWILD	<no wild parties permitted>
TEXT	<You must be very naive to believe that "!AS">/FAO=1
IDXCONCAT	<what makes you think indexed files can be concatenated?>/IDENT=CONCAT
RELCONCAT	<what makes you think relative files can be concatenated?>/IDENT=CONCAT
HIGHVER	<higher version of !AS might exist in the future>/FAO=1
BADLOGICPC	<we blew it at PC !XL>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADLOGIC
ATPC	<lost it at PC !XL>/FAO=1
BADCOPIES	<'!AS' is a waste of paper>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADFORM	<'!AS' is an invalid form type>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADJOBID	<'!AS' is unemployed>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADJOBNAME	<'!AS' is a silly job name anyway>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADPRTY	<'!AS' is an invalid priority>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADQNAME	<'!AS' is the wrong queue name>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
BADTIME	<'!AS' is a stupid time specification>/FAO=1/IDENT=BADVALUE
NOQUEUE	<!AS queue is a silly name>/FAO=1
NOJOBID	<job !UW never went in !AS queue>/FAO=2/ident=NOJOB
NOJOBNAME	<job !AS not found in !AS queue>/FAO=2/IDENT=NOJOB
SYSFOO	<system service lost it>
NOTCOPIED	<!AS not copied - do your own work>/FAO=1
NOTCMPLT	<only the interesting parts of !AS were copied>/FAO=1
RMSERROR	<RMS lost it>
UNXPCTSTS	<unexpected status detected. Expected '!AS'. Found:>/FAO=1
HCONCAT	<concatenate a hashed file and you get mush>/IDENT=CONCAT
INCOMATR	<!AS (input) and !AS (output) are not the same type>/FAO=2
VALERR	<specified value is outrageous - try again, human>
FILNOTDEL	<error diddling !AS - Have you considered Russian Roulette>/FAO=1
CONFDEL	<!/!AS, delete? (Y or N or Maybe) :>/FAO=2
DELETED	<!AS exterminated without mercy>/FAO=1
DELVER	<explicit version number or phase of moon required>
PURGEVER	<you are really starting to irritate me>
CLOSEDEL	<error closing !AS, fingers caught in drive>/FAO=1
DIRTOOBUS	<directory is presently too active to be purged>
NOFILPURG	<*.*;* deleted!AS>/FAO=1
FILNOTPUR	<error deleting !AS, bits stuck to ones>/FAO=1
SEARCHFAIL	<can't find !AS, where do you think you left it?>/FAO=1
DELINTERR	<internal error in DELETE/PURGE utility>
PARSEFAIL	<error parsing !AS , this is your last warning!>/FAO=1
FILPURGED	<!AS pulverized>/FAO=1
ENDABORT	<!AS is too disgusting to compile - aborted>/FAO=1
ENDDIAGS	<!AS sneaked thru with !UL diagnostic!%S>/FAO=3
ENDNOOBJ	<!AS completed with !UL diagnostic!%S - read the manual, turkey>/FAO=3
HALTED	<transfer has been halted by men in black suits>
NOCMDMEM	<no command memory has been allocated>
QEMPTY	<queue busy computing PI to 10,000,000,000,000 decimal places>
CBT	<insufficient contiguous space, files deleted randomly to make room >
EXISTS	<Stop repeating yourself, !AS already exists>/FAO=1
UNLOCKED	<!AS unlocked with skeleton key>/FAO=1
RENAMED	<!AS can be referred to as !AS>/FAO=2
PROTECTED	<protection on !AS changed to 'Burn after reading'>/FAO=1
NOTLOCKED	<!AS was not locked, the pirate has taken all your data>/FAO=1
ACTIMAGE	<error activating image !AS. Try again, sucker>/FAO=1
DIRNOTCRE	<!AS directory file not created>/FAO=1
NODESTQUE	<No such destination queue !AS>/FAO=1
ILLDESQUE	<Silly destination queue name !AS>/FAO=1
NOTTERM	<input device is not a terminal>
CONFQUAL	<You are lost in a maze of conflicting qualifiers>
ILLDIRCOPY	<illegal directory copy of !AS attempted>/FAO=1
INSVIRMEM	<insufficient virtuous memory (too many naughty bits)>
CREATEDSTM	<!AS has been created in stream format>/FAO=1
NOTRUNC	<file organization only allows hatchbacks>
PRODNOTINS	<optional software product !AS not installed>/FAO=1
TOTAL	<!UL file!%S destroyed (!UL block!%S knocked over)>/FAO=4
FILPURG	<!AS sent to Siberia (!UL block!%S knocked over)>/FAO=3
FILDEL	<!AS obliterated (!UL block!%S smashed)>/FAO=3
INVQUAVAL	<value '!AS' invalid for /!AS qualifier>/FAO=2
NOFILES	<no files selected for anything>
FILNOTACB	<file !AS isn't accepting visitors today>/FAO=1
QUALMISS	<qualifier, !AS, missing from command line>/FAO=1
FILSPCSRCH	<file specification !AS contains a search list - horrors!>/FAO=1
NOSRCHLST	<this command does not support search lists>
NOSUCHRID	<unknown rights identifier>

!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00001361>
!%SYSTEM-S-NOMSG	<Message number 00001FF9>

	.SEVERITY	FATAL
	.BASE		1024

BADISD	<illegal image section descriptor>
RELINK	<obsolete executable image - please relink>
NOTINSTALL	<writable shareable images must be installed>
SHARTOOBIG	<new version of shareable image too big - relink all images>
NOP1VA	<P1 space not supported in shareable images>
MULTRMS	<multiple RMS vectors specified>
VECFULL	<privileged vector limit of 42 exceeded>
IVLVEC	<you should have installed the section with privileges>
INSFSPTS	<insufficient SPTs to map process buffer to system>
DISCONNECT	<process is disconnected from requested interrupt vector>
PRIVINSTALL	<shareable images must be installed to run privileged image>
PROTINSTALL	<try installing the protected image>
BADVEC	<invalid change mode or message vector>
REMRSRC	<out of everything at remote node>
PROTOCOL	<network protocol error, you forgot to kiss my hand-shake>
THIRDPARTY	<network logical link disconnected by a disgruntled operator>
NOSUCHUSER	<remote node doesn't know you>
SHUT	<remote node is catatonic>
UNREACHABLE	<you can't get there from here>
INVLOGIN	<you have been denied at the remote node>
NOSUCHOBJ	<network object doesn't like your face at remote node>
EXCPUTIM	<CPU just kicked out your infinite loop>
OPRABORT	<aborted by operator with coat hanger>
SHRIDMISMAT	<ident mismatch with shareable image>
COMMHARD	<communications hardware sucks wind>
IVCHAR	<you can't type for beans>
DEVINACT	<device is playing dead>
CONNECFAIL	<DECnet has screwed you again>
LINKABORT	<network partner aborted logical link with coat hanger>
LINKDISCON	<network partner has absconded to Brazil>
LINKEXIT	<network partner exited, stage left>
PATHLOST	<you are lost in a maze of little twisted pairs>
CLEARED	<virtual call was cleared>
RESET	<circuit died and was reincarnated>
UNSOLICIT	<response not solicited>
TOOMANYREDS	<too many redirects>
IVLOCKID	<invalid lock id>
SUBLOCKS	<cannot dequeue a lock with sublocks>
PARNOTGRANT	<parent lock must be granted>
CVTUNGRANT	<cannot convert an ungranted lock>
FORCEDERROR	<Forced error means the file isn't all there>
ILLSELF	<you must be ill>
ILLCDTST	<illegal connection descriptor table state>
NOLISTENER	<specified remote system process not listening - you must be boring as hell>
EXGBLPAGFIL	<you are accessing imaginary global page space>
BADRCT	<Replacement and Caching Table unrecoverable I/O error>
DIRNOTEMPTY	<you forgot to delete the files in the directory first>
FORCEDEXIT	<Job Controller spat out your image>
NOTPRINTED	<failed to queue spool file for print>
JBCERROR	<job controller doesn't speak your language>
NOLICENSE	<operation requires license to kill>
VCBROKEN	<virtual circuit broken all over the floor>
VCCLOSED	<virtual circuit closed to all traffic>
INSFCDT	<insufficient CDT entries>
DEVNOTDISM	<device not dismal enough>
NOSHRIMG	<privileged shareable image cannot have outbound calls>
DUPUNIT	<MSCP Controller - Duplicate Unit Number>
BADACLCTX	<ACL context has been corrupted>
SERIOUSEXCP	<TMSCP Controller - Serious Exception>
TEMPLATEDEV	<You can't allocate templates!>
IVACL	<ACL lists don't look like that>
NOSUCHID	<you have no rights>
NOLCLMEDA	<no local program storage media available>
NOREGAVIL	<no region available to execute program>
NOREGSUIT	<no region suited to executing program>
NOSUCHPGM	<what was that program name?>
PGMLDFAIL	<program load failure>
PGMSTDALN	<program must be run standalone>
IVIDENT	<invalid identifier format>
DUPIDENT	<cloned identifier>
INCSEGTRA	<incomplete segmented transfer request posted>
NODELEAVE	<node leaving the cluster>
KERNELINV	<don't even try it again>
EXLNMQUOTA	<logical name table is full - wipe it off>
PARENT_DEL	<illegal attempt to commit patricide>
PARNOTSYS	<parent not system owned lock>
INSSWAPSPACE	<swapper just swapped you into imaginary space>
VOLOERR	<must override owner identifier field in VOL1 label>
DATALATE	<Mass Storage - Data Late Error>
OVRMAXARG	<I'm sick of your arguments>
SHACHASTA	<Shadow set has changed state>
TERMNETDEV	<Terminal is a net device, fool>
NOLOGTAB	<either the table or the logical name doesn't exist>
WRONGNAME	<local node name must match SCSNODE>
NOVOLACC	<you can't access that magnetic tape volume>
NOFILACC	<user has no access to magnetic tape file>
INVEXHLIST	<termination handler control block list is corrupted>
NOACLSUPPORT	<ACLs not supported on selected object>
INVSECLASS	<invalid security classification block>
INCSHAMEM	<incompatible shadow set member>
DEVNOTSHR	<device is not shareable right now>
RUCONFLICT	<another facility has active recovery units on file>
DATALOST	<gone, gone, gone>

!    SHACPYINP	<shadow copy in progress> missing message???

	.SEVERITY	FATAL
	.BASE		1280

NOCMKRNL	<Y'all need CMKRNL to do this>
NOCMEXEC	<Y'all need CMEXEC to do this>
NOSYSNAM	<Y'all need SYSNAM to do this>
NOGRPNAM	<Y'all need GRPNAM to do this>
NOALLSPOOL	<Y'all need ALLSPOOL to do this>
NODETACH	<Y'all need DETACH to do this>
NODIAGNOSE	<Y'all need DIAGNOSE to do this>
NOLOG_IO	<Y'all need LOG_IO to do this>
NOGROUP	<Y'all need GROUP  to do this>
NOACNT	<Y'all need ACNT to do this>
NOPRMCEB	<Y'all need PRMCEB to do this>
NOPRMMBX	<Y'all need PRMMBX to do this>
NOPSWAPM	<Y'all need PSWAPM to do this>
NOALTPRI	<Y'all need ALTPRI to do this>
NOSETPRV	<Y'all need SETPRV to do this>
NOTMPMBX	<Y'all need TMPMBX to do this>
NOWORLD	<Y'all need WORLD  to do this>
NOMOUNT	<Y'all need MOUNT  to do this>
NOOPER	<Y'all need OPER to do this>
NOEXQUOTA	<Y'all need EXQUOTA to do this>
NONETMBX	<Y'all need NETMBX to do this>
NOVOLPRO	<Y'all need VOLPRO to do this>
NOPHY_IO	<Y'all need PHY_IO to do this>
NOBUGCHK	<Y'all need BUGCHK to do this>
NOPRMGBL	<Y'all need PRMGBL to do this>
NOSYSGBL	<Y'all need SYSGBL to do this>
NOPFNMAP	<Y'all need PFNMAP to do this>
NOSHMEM	<Y'all need SHMEM to do this>
NOSYSPRV	<Y'all need SYSPRV to do this>
NOBYPASS	<Y'all need BYPASS to do this>
NOSYSLCK	<Y'all need SYSLCK to do this>
UNUSED_1	<UNUSED_1>
UNUSED_2	<UNUSED_2>
NODOWNGRADE	<Y'all need DOWNGRADE to do this>
NOUPGRADE	<Y'all need UPGRADE to do this>
NOGRPPRV	<Y'all need GRPPRV to do this>
NOREADALL	<Y'all need READALL to do this>
NOSHARE	<Y'all need SHARE to do this>
NOSECURITY	<Y'all need SECURITY to do this>


	.SEVERITY	FATAL
	.BASE		1344

EXASTLM	<exceeded AST quota>
EXBIOLM	<too many buffered IO's, you lose>
EXBYTLM	<Exceeded byte count quota>
EXDIOLM	<too many direct IO's, you lose>
EXFILLM	<too many open files, deleting at random>
EXPGFLQUOTA	<exceeded page file quota, now deleting pagefile>
EXPRCLM	<exceeded process limit, deleting other processes>
EXTQELM	<exceeded timer queue entry quota, wait forever>
EXENQLM	<exceeded enqueue quota>

	.FACILITY	CLI,3/SYSTEM
	.SEVERITY	WARNING
	.BASE		1

ABVERB	<abnormal verbiage from a twisted terminal addict>/WARNING
ABKEYW	<you think I can read minds? Be more specific!>
BUFOVF	<type a carriage return sometime>/WARNING
COMPLX	<I really don't understand - simplify>
DEFOVF	<Hey, only eight things at a time, ok?>/WARNING
DIRECT	<directories don't look like that, buckwheat>
EXPSYN	<Express yourself some other way>/WARNING
IMCHNG	<Since I can't tell which one you want I won't do either one>
INSFPRM	<insufferable arguments from a pipsqueak programmer>/WARNING
IVCHAR	<you type like a nearsighted chimpanzee>

	.BASE		12

IVKEYW	<anybody ever tell you that you can't spell?>
IVOPER	<put the operator on a liquid diet>/WARNING
IVPROT	<yo man, this is a VAX. Protection codes are R,W,E, and D.>
IVQLOC	<parameters go AFTER the qualifiers, bonehead>/WARNING
IVSYMB	<where did you learn to say things like that?>
IVVALU	<that doesn't look like a number to me>/WARNING
IVVERB	<that's a pretty silly thing to type>
MAXPARM	<Big piles of Parmesan cheese>/WARNING
NOATFL	<no @ file>
NOCCAT	<no cats allowed here>
NOCOMD	<Spreek Engrish, Yankee Dog>
NOKEYW	<I had to split it with the sound man (thanks Rocky)>
NOLIST	<stand up straight>
NOQUAL	<you don't deserve this job>
NOVALU	<worth nothing>
NOTNEG	<not neg is not not not neg>
NULFIL	<there is nothing there.>
NUMBER	<You know, like 1, 2, 3...>
ONCOMD	<on my command you jump out the window>
ONERR	<read the DCL manual, you illiterate slob>
ONLEVL	<speaking on the level, you can't do that here.>
ONOVF	<no room at the onn. bang your symbols.>
PARMDEL	<get some pastrami from the deli>
RSLOVF	<buffer lost it>
SKPDAT	<I'll just skip dat stuff you left dere.>
STKOVF	<stuck over a stack of things you didn't want to do anyway>
SYMDEL	<I just don't understand.>
SYMOVF	<you can't bang symbols here>
UNDSYM	<Can't you spell, wimp?>
USGOTO	<GOTO and SYN nomore, O Ye of little bithacking>
VALREQ	<0 is not not not 0 - or is it?>
ONEVAL	<one at a time, Jasper>
OVRFLW	<choked on too much data>
UNPROQUAL	<no artificial colorings>
UNPROPARM	<no artificial flavorings>
INVKEY	<try a skeleton key>
INVRSP	<I didn't say 'Simon Says'>
UNDFIL	<underwear is full of potato chips>
FILOPN	<file is open, already.>
BADRET	<Frankly my dear I don't give a damn>
ABSYMB	<there are at least two symbols that start like that>
INVUIC	<you blew it on the uic spec>
BADTEXT	<don't swear at me>
ABFNAM	<there are so many function names that match that...>
IVFNAM	<there are no function names that match that>
BLKOVRFLOW	<my bit bucket runneth over>
BLKUNDFLOW	<by bit bucket runneth under>
BADBLK	<it's one bad mutha>
NOLBLS	<you LBLS have to use the one marked LBLS ONLY>
NOCHANGE	<Operator cannot make change>
ABSENT	<it's the thought that counts>
NEGATED	<2 - 3 + 1 = 0>
INVFILSPE	<files can have long names but they can't be that long>
INVLOGFIL	<log files don't go like that>
NOTHEN	<how on earth can you mess up an IF or an ON?>
SYMTOOLNG	<what makes you think !AS can be copied? It's too long!>/FAO=1
ASTDCL	<I'm telling your parents about this AST you have here>
INVRANGE	<you're out of range>
LOCNEG	<I'll make believe I didn't see that>
CMDNOTFND	<you never told me that before>
IVQUAL	<wrong qualifier, you nitwit>
CMDSEG	<!AS... say, whut?>/FAO=1
NOTIFY	<you and I both know there is nobody to /NOTIFY there>
CONFLICT	<conflicts are occurring right under your nose>
UNDKEY	<!AC key !AS is on another machine somewhere else, no doubt>/FAO=2
ARGREQ	<I don't want to argue about it but you're wrong>
SYMLNG	<you can have long names, but not that long!>
SYMABR	<Cute, but you can't use wildcards there>
IVKEYNAM	<since when do keys look like that?>
NOPAREN	<if I could put parentheses around it I would have, but I can't.>
IVATIME	<this is no time to be using times like that>
IVDTIME	<this is no time for such nonsense>
TKNOVF	<Ack! You have stuffed too much into this token!>
CMDFILERR	<your LOGIN.COM stinks>
INVOUTSPE	<Icky output file specification>
PERMSYM	<Y'all can't delete permanent symbols>
GBLNDF	<Global symbol scoping is enabled, so I just ignored that definition>
INVGOSUB	<You don't know how to use the GOSUB command, RTFM!>
GOSUBMAX	<You only get 16 levels for GOSUBs>
USCALL	<You want me to CALL what????>
USGOSUB	<You want me to GOSUB where???>


! NOMSG	<Message number 00038353
! 230058
	.SEVERITY	ERROR
	.BASE		256

CONFQUAL	<you are lost in a maze of conflicting qualifiers>
INVQUAL	<obtuse qualifier>
REQPRMABS	<but you HAVE to type all of the required parameters>
INVQUALNUM	<stupid qualifier number>
INVREQTYP	<wrong request type>
NOVALUE	<value not presentable>
VALCNVERR	<I can't convert this value>
ILLVAL	<this value is totally wrong>
NOOPTPRS	<I can't do what you don't tell me to>
CREQUEJOB	<queue !AS spat out your job>/FAO=1
SUBMITERR	<queue !AS didn't like your file>/FAO=1
DEVALSPL	<device is already spooled, you twerp>
DEVNOTSPL	<device is not spooled, fathead>
IVDEVTYPE	<invalid device type - specify a mailbox device>
IMGFNF	<image file isn't where you think it is>
DEVNOTFOR	<device doesn't think it's foreign>
PWDNOTVAL	<that wasn't the old password - try again, buckwheat>
PWDNOTVER	<that wasn't what you just typed - you lose>
PWDLOCKED	<somebody doesn't trust you - the password is locked>
NOTFR	<You got no transfer address>
PWDSYNTAX	<you can't do passwords like that>
IMGNAME	<created in your own image file !AS>/FAO=1
IMAGEFNF	<!AS not in your image>/FAO=1
BADSTRLVL	<unrecognized structure level for command tables>
REFUSED	<what makes you think you can attach to that process?>
BADCTLMSK	<bad control character enable/disable mask>
INVRFM	<invalid record format for record I/O - file not opened>
NOCLINT	<image requested CLI interface routine that does not exist>
NOSPAWN	<you should know that DCL cannot SPAWN an MCR subprocess >
SPWNIO	<shared input or output files are not allowed - respecify>
TRMMBX	<terminal has associated mailbox - terminate image and then SPAWN>
STRTOOLNG	<string argument is too long - shorten>
CMDGONE	<you humans should read the manuals more>
NOCMDPROC	<error opening captive command procedure - access denied>
INVROUT	<invalid routine specified in command tables - check .CLD file>
OLDTAB	<command tables have obsolete format - use SET COMMAND to recreate>
INVTAB	<command tables have invalid format - see documentation>
NOTDISCON	<Ha, Ha, you can't disconnect this terminal>
ENTNF	<specified entity nowhere in command tables>
ATTRMBX	<can't attach, it's attached to something else>
INVCALL	<CALL blew up, figure it out yourself>

	.SEVERITY	INFORMATION
	.BASE		3000

DEFKEY	<!AC key !AS has been changed to something else>/FAO=2
DELKEY	<!AC key !AC has been disconnected from your terminal>/FAO=2
SETKEY	<keypad state of confusion is now !AC>/FAO=1
SPARE1	<spare - for future use>
ALLOC	<!AS allocated, blindly>/FAO=1
SUPERSEDE	<!AS's old value was stupid anyway>/FAO=1
INSPRIV	<with no CMKRNL you expect to change your UIC?>
NODIRCHG	<directory cannot be changed to match UIC greater than [377,377]>
IGNQUAL	<qualifiers appearing before this item were ignored>
TABEXIST	<!AS already exists, you slime>/FAO=1
TABSUPER	<previous table !AS has been superseded>/FAO=1
TABNOTFND	<previous table !AS was not found - new table created>/FAO=1
DELSYM	<!AC symbol !AC has been totally eradicated>/FAO=2
SYMTRUNC	<preceding symbol value has been truncated>
KEYCNV	<synonym key !AS's alias is now !AS>/FAO=2

	.SEVERITY	SUCCESS
	.BASE		4000

SPAWNED	<salmon spawned all ovary your process !AS>/FAO=1
ATTACHED	<terminal now attached to your forehead>
OUTERLIMITS	<we now return control of your set>
PRESENT	<entity value is present in command string>
DEFAULTED	<entity defaulted present in command string>
CONCAT	<requested value is terminated by a plus sign>
LOCPRES	<entity value is locally present in command string>
COMMA	<requested value is terminated by a comma>
OKTAB	<command tables are already in latest format you joik>
UPGTAB	<command tables have been upgraded to latest format already>

	.BASE		4094

PROC_ID	<new process can be called !XL>/FAO=1
QUEJOBCRE	<!UW cleared for takeoff on runway !AC>/FAO=2

!262138

	.FACILITY	RMS,1/SYSTEM
	.SEVERITY	SUCCESS
	.BASE		0

STALL	<waiting for your other stuff to finish>
PENDING	<your other stuff isn't done yet>
OK_DUP	<stored record with duplicate key>
OK_IDX	<index update error occurred>
OK_RLK	<record lock but who cares>
OK_RRL	<record locked against read but I don't care, I read it anyway>
KFF	<found what I already knew anyway>
OK_ALK	<record is already locked>
OK_DEL	<deleted record successfully accessed>
OK_RNF	<nonexistent record successfully accessed>
OK_LIM	<retrieved record exceeds specified key value>
OK_NOP	<XAB not filled in for block I/O, you dolt>
OK_WAT	<record locked after wait>
CRE_STM	<file was created in stream format, so remember this>
OK_RULK	<record relocked in recovery unit>
!12303,16
!12338,51

	.SEVERITY	WARNING
	.BASE		51

BOF	<beginning of time found>
RNL	<record not locked with a padlock>
RTB	<!UL byte record too humongous for any use>/FAO=1
TMO	<you snooze, you lose>
TNS	<type a carriage return, pea-brain>
BES	<I don't understand that escape sequence>
PES	<you escaped, partially>
!12346,58
!12362,75

	.SEVERITY	ERROR
	.BASE		75

ACT	<file activity precludes operation>
DEL	<RFA-accessed record isn't there anymore...>
INCOMPSHR	<incompatible file sharing specified>
DNR	<device unavailable for comment>
EOF	<end of world detected>
FEX	<file already exists, I give up>
FLK	<file currently stolen by another user>
FNF	<file not found, where did you leave it?>
PRV	<Don't threaten me, hacker>
REX	<record is a clone>
RLK	<target record currently locked by another stream>
RNF	<record not found, where did you put it?>
WLK	<you can't write to this device now>
EXP	<file is not expired, yet>
NMF	<no more files found>
SUP	<DECnet doesn't do that; DAP code = !XL>/FAO=1
RSA	<record stream currently active>
CRC	<network DAP level CRC check doesn't cut the mustard>
WCC	<invalid wild card context (WCC) value>
IDR	<you can't rename directories you idiot>
LWC	<lock wait canceled>
XCR	<conflicting RU attributes in journal XAB>
NOVALPRS	<$PARSE before the $SEARCH, not the other way around!>
KEY_MISMATCH	<Found something but not with that key>
ERRWRTJNL	<UNUSED>
JND	<journaling is shut off for this file>
WRTJNL_AIJ	<After image journal is out to lunch>
WRTJNL_BIJ	<Before image journal is out to lunch>
WRTJNL_ATJ	<Audit trail journal is out to lunch>
WRTJNL_RUJ	<Recovery unit journal is out to lunch>
RU_ACTIVE	<well are you?>
UNKRUFAC	<What kind of recovery unit are you using, anyway?>
LIMBO	<Recovery unit is in limbo (honest!)>

!12385,97
!12412,125

	.SEVERITY	FATAL
	.BASE		125

TEMP0	<UNUSED>
AID	<invalid area ID = !UL>/FAO=1
ALN	<alignment options error for area id = !UL>/FAO=1
ALQ	<invalid allocation quantity (negative, or 0 on $EXTEND)>
ANI	<not ANSI "D" format>
AOP	<allocation options error for area id = !UL>/FAO=1
BKS	<buckets too big for my britches (FAB)>
BKZ	<inconsistent bucket size for area id = !UL>/FAO=1
BLN	<invalid block length for control block (RAB/FAB)>
BUG	<RMS bugs detected, who knows why>
BUG_DDI	<default directory name is silly>
BUG_DAP	<Data Access Protocol error detected; DAP code = !XL>/FAO=1
BUG_XX1	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX2	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX3	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX4	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX5	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX6	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX7	<reserved bug code>
BUG_XX8	<reserved bug code>
BUSY	<user structure (FAB/RAB) still in use>
CCR	<cannot connect RAB>
CHG	<invalid key change in $UPDATE (CHG not set)>
CHK	<bucket format check failed for VBN = !UL>/FAO=1
COD	<invalid or unsupported type field in XAB at !XL>/FAO=1
CUR	<you gotta get a record before you do that!>
DAN	<invalid data area number for key = !UL>/FAO=1
DEV	<do that one more time and you'll get logged out>
DIR	<directory name is stupid>
DME	<dynamic memory exhausted, it's been up all night>
DNA	<invalid default file name string address>
DTP	<invalid key data type for key = !UL>/FAO=1
DUP	<cloned key detected (DUP not set)>
DVI	<invalid device ID value in NAM block>
ESA	<invalid expanded string address>
ESS	<expanded string area too small>
FAB	<FAB is all wrong or you protected it>
FAC	<you can't do that to that file>
FLG	<invalid key definition flags for key = !UL>/FAO=1
FNA	<invalid file name string address>
FNM	<file name is silly>
FSZ	<fixed control header size is grody to the max>
FOP	<totally gross file options>
FUL	<device had too much for lunch>
IAL	<invalid argument list, let's not talk about it anymore>
IAN	<strange index area number for key = !UL>/FAO=1
IDX	<index not initialized>
IFI	<bizarre internal file identifier (IFI) value>
IMX	<non valid duplicate XAB or non-dense XAB at !XL>/FAO=1
IOP	<operation can't be done for file organization or device>
IRC	<ugly record encountered; VBN or record number = !UL>/FAO=1
ISI	<invalid internal stream identifier (ISI) value>
KBF	<key buffer is foo>
KEY	<invalid record number key or key value>
KRF	<silly key for $GET/$FIND>
KSZ	<wrong key size for $GET/$FIND>
LAN	<invalid lowest-level-index area number for key = !UL>/FAO=1
RUNDOWN	<can't do that during RMS rundown>
LNE	<down and down we go....plop! Don't assign recursive logicals!>
TEMP2	<UNUSED>
MRN	<either you stuffed too many records in or your MRN is too high>
MRS	<stupid maximum record size>
NAM	<invalid NAM block or NAM block not accessible>
NEF	<not positioned to EOF on $PUT (sequential organization only)>
TEMP3	<UNUSED>
NOD	<node name is really stupid>
NPK	<you might try defining a primary key, isn't this file indexed?>
ORD	<XABs not in correct order at !XL>/FAO=1
ORG	<funky file organization value>
PBF	<filthy prompt buffer>
PLG	<file's prolog boo-boo (reconstruct file)>
POS	<invalid key position (greater than MRS) for key = !UL>/FAO=1
TEMP4	<UNUSED>
QUO	<quoted string is all wrong>
RAB	<wrong RAB or RAB is protected>
RAC	<use the right record access mode or don't do it at all>
RAT	<try the right record attributes instead>
RBF	<definitely not the right record buffer>
RFA	<wrong record's file address (RFA)>
RFM	<wrong record format>
RHB	<invalid record header buffer>
RLF	<invalid related NAM block>
ROP	<use the right record options instead>
RRV	<invalid RRV record encountered>
RVU	<error updating RRV's, some paths to data may be lost>
RSS	<resultant string size is crazy>
RST	<resultant string address is somewhere on another machine, probably>
RSZ	<wrong record size, pea-brain>
SEQ	<primary key out of sequence (SEQ access)>
SHR	<invalid file sharing (SHR) options>
SIZ	<!UL is not the right size key, jerkface>/FAO=1
SQO	<SQO is set so don't do random calls, human>
TEMP5	<UNUSED>
SYN	<do you really know what file you're looking for?>
TRE	<error in index tree - it fell over>
TYP	<file is the wrong type for anything you want to do>
UBF	<bizarre user buffer>
USZ	<fascinating, but incorrect, user buffer size>
VER	<was that really a version number you specified?>
XNF	<required XAB not found>
XAB	<invalid XAB or XAB blown away at !XL>/FAO=1
ESL	<infinitely expanded string length>
TEMP6	<UNUSED>
ENV	<support for RMS service call or feature not present>
PLV	<what prolog version was that?>
MBC	<invalid multi-block count>
RSL	<strange resultant string length>
WLD	<wildcards are not trumped here>
NET	<remote node spat your operation out with a DAP code of !XL>/FAO=1
IBF	<illegal bucket format in VBN = !UL>/FAO=1
REF	<wrong skeleton key-of-reference = !UL>/FAO=1
IFL	<index bucket fill size larger than bucket size for key = !UL>/FAO=1
DFL	<data bucket fill size larger than bucket size for key = !UL>/FAO=1
KNM	<key name buffer not accessible for key = !UL>/FAO=1
IBK	<LAN bucket size not equal to IAN bucket size for key = !UL>/FAO=1
KSI	<index bucket will not hold two keys for key-of-reference = !UL>/FAO=1
LEX	<invalid $EXTEND for area !UL containing an unused extent>/FAO=1
SEG	<overlapping segments or segmented key must be string for key = !UL>/FAO=1
SNE	<I don't DO file sharing here>
SPE	<file sharing pagecount exceeded>
UPI	<UPI not set when sharing and BIO or BRO set>
ACS	<access control string is screwed up beyond all hope>
STR	<user structure (FAB/RAB) became invalid during operation>
FTM	<network file transfer mode precludes operation (SQO set)>
GBC	<wrong global buffer count>
DEADLOCK	<you are in a deadlock>
EXENQLM	<exceeded enqueue quota - you lose>
JOP	<no journaling options available, ever>
RUM	<recovery-unit handler had too much to drink>
JNS	<operation not supported by RMS journaling>
NRU	<operation prohibited outside recovery-unit>
IFF	<file attributes say you can't do that>
ACC_AIJ	<after image journal is not in today>
ACC_BIJ	<before image journal is not in today>
ACC_RUJ	<Recovery unit journal is not in today>
ACC_ATJ	<Audit trail journal is not in today>

	.SEVERITY	ERROR
	.BASE		2048

ACC	<ACP file access was was blown out of the water>
CRE	<ACP file create was shot out of the sky>
DAC	<ACP file deaccess was burnt during $CLOSE over there somewhere>
ENT	<ACP enter function didn't work>
EXT	<ACP file extend blew up>
FND	<ACP file or directory lookup didn't happen the right way>
MKD	<You want the ACP to delete the file but it knows better>
DPE	<Device got lost somewhere>
SPL	<spool or submit failed on $CLOSE>
DNF	<what directory, where?>
TEMP8	<UNUSED>

	.SEVERITY	FATAL
	.BASE		2073

ATR	<File attributes weren't read 'cause they suck eggs>
ATW	<File attributes weren't written 'cause they suck eggs>
CCF	<Can't close the file>
CDA	<Can't deliver AST, what do you think I am, the delivery boy?>
CHN	<Assign channel system service blew it>
RER	<file read error, I just stuck something random there instead>
RMV	<ACP remove function went to the Registry of Motor Vehicles>
RPL	<error detected reading prolog, thought it was something else>
SYS	<QIO systems service request was totally fooed>
WER	<file write error, your disk just blew up>
WPL	<error detected writing prolog, what proglog did you really want?>
IFA	<file format is totally screwed>
WBE	<error trying to write on your behind>
ENQ	<ENQ system service request died>
NETFAIL	<Network operation didn't make it at remote node>
SUPPORT	<DECNET doesn't do that>
CRMP	<got a cramp in my side trying to map global buffers>
TEMP7	<UNUSED>
REENT	<file could not be renamed and recovery failed, you lose, big>
TEMP9	<unused>
TMR	<SETIMR system service failed, the watch needs rewinding>


	.FACILITY	JBC,4/SYSTEM
	.SEVERITY	Severe
	.BASE		0
!294915

ILLDEVNAM	<Stupid device name>
UNSDEVTYP	<you have to specify device types>
ILLFILNAM	<stupid file name>
INVQUENAM	<no queue by that name>

	.SEVERITY	ERROR

NOPRIV	<you have been denied>

NOQUEHDR	<queue has no header??>/SEVERE

NOQUESPACE	<no space in system job queue file>
NOSUCHQUE	<silly queue name>
NOSUCHJOB	<silly job name>
NOOPENJOB	<no open job for requesting process>
REFERENCED	<existing references prevent deletion>
STARTED	<someone already started it>
INVITMCOD	<invalid item code or option code>/SEVERE
INVFUNCOD	<invalid function code>/SEVERE

EMPTYJOB	<no files specified in job request>
JOBQUEDIS	<system job queue manager took the bus today>
JOBABORT	<job was run over by a speeding bus>
ACMINVOP	<ACMINVOP>
INVPARLEN	<invalid parameter length>
TRMMBXUSE	<TRMMBXUSE>
MAXSYMEXD	<MAXSYMEXD>
SCTTABFUL	<SCTTABFUL>
CREPRCFAL	<Error creating process for batch job, you lose.>
SYMNTBFUL	<SYMNTBFUL>
NODSTQUE	<where did you say you wanted it to go?>
INVDSTQUE	<nothing like that there>
JOBDELETE	<job never had a chance>
NORESTART	<you can't restart that job>
JOBREQUEUE	<job given another chance>
QUERESET	<queue was reset because your job made it die>
SYSFAIL	<system failed because of your job>
EXECUTING	<job executing on queue prevents requested operation>
INVMSGBUF	<invalid message buffer>
MISREQPAR	<missing required parameter>
INVPARVAL	<stupid parameter value>
INCQUETYP	<inconsistent queue type>
INCDSTQUE	<inconsistent destination queue type>
JOBQUEENA	<system job queue manager is already running away>
NOTASSIGN	<queue is unsigned>
INCOMPLETE	<previous incomplete operation prevents execution>
INVCHANAM	<invalid characteristic name>
INVFORNAM	<stupid form name>
NOSUCHCHAR	<no such characteristic>
NOSUCHFORM	<there were never any forms like that>
DUPFORM	<cloned form number>
INCFORMPAR	<inconsistent form parameters>
NOSUCHFILE	<can't find it, where is it?>
DELACCESS	<file protection does not allow delete access>
!295291
! add 81 (80?)

	.BASE		128

ACCDISERR	<accounting disabled due to file errors>
ALLOCMEM	<error allocating virtual memory>
COMREMJBC	<error communicating with another job controller>
INVBLOCK	<invalid operation on queue block !UL>
INVMSG	<invalid mailbox message received>
NEWQUEUE	<new system job queue file !AS created>
OPEJBCMBX	<error opening job controller mailbox>
PRCREAT	<process died before I could let you kill it>
QUEFORMAT	<system job queue file has invalid format>
REAJBCMBX	<error reading job controller mailbox>
REQUEST	<service required on queue !AC for job !AC user !AD!/!AF>
SETIMR	<error setting timer>
SYMCREPRC	<error creating symbiont process for !AS>
SYMDEL	<unexpected symbiont process termination>
WRIRSPMSG	<error writing system service response message>
WRISMBMBX	<error writing symbiont mailbox>
NFY_COMPLETE	<!AC (!AC Airlines, Flight !UL) landed>
NFY_CURRENT	<!AC (!AC Airlines, Flight !UL) taking off on runway !AC>
NFY_HOLD	<!AC (!AC Airlines, Flight !UL) in a holding pattern>
NFY_PENDING	<!AC (!AC Airlines, Flight !UL) waiting for takeoff>
NFY_TIMER	<!AC (!AC Airlines, Flight !UL) holding until !17%D>
STRUCT_LEVEL	<system job queue file has incompatible structure level of !XW>
DIAGNOSTIC	<!AS>
DIAG_TEXT	<diagnostic (!UL): !AS !XL !XL>
DIAG_DATA	<diagnostic (!UL): !XL !XL !XL !XL>
!296131

	.FACILITY	BLS32,111/SYSTEM
	.SEVERITY	WARNING

CMPWARN	<Compilation sneaked through, just barely, with warnings>
CMPERRS	<Compilation had errors, RTFM>
CMPFATAL	<Compilation died>

	.END

-- 

           [ Daniel Drucker / dmd@student.umass.edu / N2SXX ]
   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

From: jpb@miamisci.org (Joe Block)

Subject: Re: Update on my "Good BOFH event"

Date: Thu, 22 Feb 1996 18:20:22 -0500

In article <4gdnvq$icj@news.onramp.net>, medwards@onramp.net wrote:

>Okay, managing to somehow catch a monitor afire, by scolding the computer
>is a good trick if you can manage it.
>
>A few hours ago, I received a phone call from the company at which this
>happened. Note that this company is an Appliance/Electronics store, with
>many of said items in stock and on display at all times.
>
>Conversation is as follows:

[snip]

>I think next time I'll just buy a bag of marshmallows and let it burn.

Mark,

You of course realize that if you had followed the proper BOFH behavior
code and just laughed at the luser's antics as they attempted to deal with
the blaze on their desk, you wouldn't have a problem.

Just proves that no good deed goes unpunished.

It isn't that Unix isn't a user friendly operating system, its just that
Unix is awfully picky about which users it chooses to be friends with. 
And even best friends fight some of the time.

From: pir@moek.demon.co.uk (Peter Radcliffe)

Subject: 127.0.0.1

Date: Thu, 22 Feb 1996 22:48:57 GMT

Has anyone got any more names that resolve to 127.0.0.1 ?

I've got:

warez.bofh.org.uk
ftp.japan.com
warez.satanic.org
pcwarez.compumedia.com
warez.phantom.com
warez.cybernothing.org
warez.mydomain.com
topmud.org
empty.cabi.net


I want some more to give people who ask for mud/warez addresses :)

\pir ... "Oh, yeah, theres a great MUD on topmud.org 19 ! Try it !"  ;)

-- 
pir     pir@surfers.itf.org.uk      pir@bofh.org.uk      pir@moek.demon.co.uk

From: gkb@aber.ac.uk (Gary Barnes)

Subject: Re: 127.0.0.1

Date: 23 Feb 1996 12:44:39 -0000

In article <19960222.224857.81@moek.demon.co.uk>,
Peter Radcliffe <pir@moek.demon.co.uk> wrote:
:Has anyone got any more names that resolve to 127.0.0.1 ?
:
:I've got:
:
:warez.bofh.org.uk
:ftp.japan.com
:warez.satanic.org
:pcwarez.compumedia.com
:warez.phantom.com
:warez.cybernothing.org
:warez.mydomain.com
:topmud.org
:empty.cabi.net

All those are on my list, along with:

ftp.porn.org
warez.dsnet.com
warez.blackdown.org
ftp.warez.org

Gaz
-- 
 /\./\   
( - - )   gkb@aber.ac.uk (Gary "Wolf" Barnes)
 \ " /
  ~~~    

From: entropi@sorry.cs.umn.edu (Bridget Kromhout)

Subject: Re: 127.0.0.1

Date: 24 Feb 1996 04:08:26 GMT

Peter Radcliffe <pir@moek.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Has anyone got any more names that resolve to 127.0.0.1 ?
>
>I've got:
>
>warez.bofh.org.uk
>ftp.japan.com
>warez.satanic.org
>pcwarez.compumedia.com
>warez.phantom.com
>warez.cybernothing.org
>warez.mydomain.com
>topmud.org
>empty.cabi.net

u g0t dA K-RAD l33T wAr3Z s1T3zz D000D bUt U aR3 m1551nG 
warez.dsnet.com !!!11!


--
bridget ~ entropi@acm.cs.umn.edu ~ http://acm.cs.umn.edu/~entropi

From: martin@datamodl.demon.co.uk (Martin Hargreaves)

Subject: Re: Just wanted to say thanks...

Date: Mon, 04 Mar 1996 19:06:57 GMT

drechsau@winternet.com (Mike Horwath) wrote:

>CaT (cat@zip.com.au) wrote:
>: Well... it seems the more I read this newgroup the more I want
>: to become a sysadmin so... Thanks for finally helping me make up
>: my mind with what I want to do for the rest of my natural life...

>You are forgetting all about the unnatural part.

>Ya know, the one where you play doom all day and forget about the disk
>array smoking behind you?

I know what you mean, but I just had this picture - you know the Far
Side cartoon "The real reason dinosaurs became extinct", well that,
but with three disk arrays smoking in the corner of the machine
room...

It's only Monday...

M.



##################################################################
# Martin Hargreaves (martin@datamodl.demon.co.uk)  Computational #
# Director, Datamodel Ltd                                Chemist #
# Contract Unix system admin/Unix security              Sysadmin #  
##################################################################

From: kmh@linux.stevens-tech.edu (Kurt M. Hockenbury)

Subject: Re: This is my favorite email message this week

Date: 6 Mar 1996 04:36:43 GMT

Jason Rowley (j@iag.net) wrote:
: Dave Brown (dagbrown@calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca) wrote:
: : So now I've taken up a new hobby--football.

: : Anyone for sysadmin trading cards?

: Why not? :)

[snip]

Instead of the funny story you posted, I first had visions of a set of 
trading card with sysadmins on them, which quickly led to a vision of
a sysadmin collector-card game.  You know, like

SYSADMIN: The LARTing!

Throwing around cards like "System Crash", "Secret Cluefull Vendor Contact",
and, of course "BOFH".

	-Kurt
-- 
                                                                      [Place]
snail://USA/07030/NJ/Hoboken/PO Box 5136/Kurt M. Hockenbury           [Stamp]
                                                                      [Here.]

From: trif@serv.net (Mary Conner)

Subject: Re: This is my favorite email message this week

Date: 6 Mar 1996 08:36:45 -0800

In article <4hk0ep$umq@alpha.ftech.net>,
Piers Cawley <pdcawley@ftech.net> wrote:
>Wouldn't they fit better as a set of cards for I:NWO? 

I'm not much aquainted with INWO, but I had a fun time once thinking
up cards for the original Illuminati game.

a.s.r  Power 8/5  Resistance 2   +2 to control Usenet cabal +3 to destroy
any straight group  may create one new Usenet hierarchy or top level
Internet domain each turn

There is no Usenet cabal card, however.  :)


-- 
Mary Conner
trif@serv.net
Seeking:  Manual or technical information for an Axion monitor, model
CM-1428, or a current phone number for the company

From: trif@serv.net (Mary Conner)

Subject: Re: This is my favorite email message this week

Date: 6 Mar 1996 08:36:45 -0800

In article <4hk0ep$umq@alpha.ftech.net>,
Piers Cawley <pdcawley@ftech.net> wrote:
>Wouldn't they fit better as a set of cards for I:NWO? 

I'm not much aquainted with INWO, but I had a fun time once thinking
up cards for the original Illuminati game.

a.s.r  Power 8/5  Resistance 2   +2 to control Usenet cabal +3 to destroy
any straight group  may create one new Usenet hierarchy or top level
Internet domain each turn

There is no Usenet cabal card, however.  :)


-- 
Mary Conner
trif@serv.net
Seeking:  Manual or technical information for an Axion monitor, model
CM-1428, or a current phone number for the company